Film Geeks - Episdoe 39

Title: EPISODE39 - You Are Geeking Kidding Me!

Episode Notes: Movie news, Is The Spirit worse Battlefield Earth?, and a really fun gripe session.

Download the episode here - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-176930.mp3

Download other episodes here - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

Movie News

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081219/film_nm/us_ryan_1
- Next Jack Ryan movie will NOT be based on a book

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081229/ap_en_ot/film_watchmen_suit
- Watchman stopped from release...for now

http://www.moviemake-out.com/2008/12/19/two-women-named-as-first-cast-for-tron-sequel/
- New Tron movie already started casting

http://www.moviemake-out.com/2008/12/19/stephen-chow-no-longer-directing-green-hornet/
- Green Hornet movie on hold

http://www.moviemake-out.com/2008/12/20/frank-miller-may%E2%80%94or-may-not%E2%80%94have-next-sights-set-on-buck-rogers/
- Frank Miller may write Buck Rogers movie

http://www.moviemake-out.com/2008/12/21/judge-dredd-returning-to-theaters/
- Judge Dredd might return to theaters

Follow up:
The Spirit

Unbelievable Movie Moments
- Harriers still work - Battlefield Earth*
- 1024 bit encryption broken in 1 minute - Swordfish*
- Monkeys hate commiest - Indy 4*
- Run from the wind - The Happening*
- Aliens that die from water come to Earth - Signs*
- Send a blind woman to get help - The Village*
- Underhand toss strikes out pro player - Rookie Of The Year*
- No one on a train in NYC will tell who Spider-Man is - Spider-Man 2*
- Aliens are some chick's father so as to not scare her - Contact*
- You can jump anything over anything - Speed*
- You can beat a raptor with gymnastics - The Lost World*
- 666 is 999 in your dreams and if you add a 1 to it you get the year 1999 - End Of Days*
- What happens when a frog gets struck by lightning? Same thing as everything - X-Men*
- The definition of "pain" changes - Roadhouse*
- You can survive explositions - War of the Worlds (2005)*
- Aliens travel in lightning - War of the Worlds (2005)*
- Julia Roberts plays Julia Roberts - Ocean's 12*
- Immortals are aliens - Highlander II (Original Cut)*
- Flying car - Grease*
- "evil" Peter Parker - Spider-Man 3*
- Captain doesn't fire on the Black Pearl - Pirates 3*
- Walking from PA to NYC in the snow on foot - Day After Tomorrow*
- Knock off a bomb with a car flip and a crane hook - Transporter 2*

- Housewife is old superhero - Hancock*
- Fridge nuke - Indy 4*

Film Geeks - Episode 38

Title: EPISODE38 - Geek Movie Rundown II - The Geeking

Episode Notes: Our heroes talk about Transporter 3, The Punisher - War Zone, Blood Diamond, The *shiver* Happening, The 10 Commandments, and a few more...plus movie news!

Download the episode here - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-173226.mp3

Download other episodes here - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

Show Notes

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/39336
What's better than zombies? Nazi Zombies

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/39450
The Spirit <>

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2008/12/the_black_list_2008_the_full_l.html?fark
Stupid Scripts

Movies

Transporter 3
The Punisher - War Zone
The Happening
Day Of The Dead
Land Of The Dead
Tin Man

Blood Diamond
The 10 Commandments

Film Geeks - Episode 37

EPISODE37 - A Real Geek RocknRolla By Twilight

Episode Notes: This week the geeks discuss RocknRolla, the new Guy Richie flick; Twilight, as well as other movies they've seen throughout the week and some new trailers.

Download the show here - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-166958.mp3

Download other shows here - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

Movie News

2012 Vs. 2012...Bay Vs. Emmerich

Trailer Run Down

http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/race-to-witch-mountain/trailer

http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/che/international-teaser-trailer

http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/thetaleofdespereaux/

Movies reviewed
- RocknRolla
- Twilight
- Leatherheads
- 300
- The Bank Job

Film Geeks - James Bond Show

Title: EPISODE36 - Double-O-Geek

Episode Notes: Geeks...Film Geeks. We'll take our Mountain Dew stirred, not shaken. Quantum Of Solace review by Patrick. Plus we'll discuss other Bond films of yore. Join us for the guns, chick, cars, explosions, chicks, and one liners.

Download this show - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-164997.mp3

Download other shows - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=50392
New The Spirit Trailer

http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/2012/teaser-trailer
2012 Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EradGWJNsl4&eurl=http://cgi.fark.com/cgi/fark/vidplayer.pl?IDLink=4022188
Star Trek Trailer

http://www.boston.com/ae/movies/articles/2008/11/14/action_reaction/
Boston Globe's review of Quantum of Solace

Show Notes:

Quantum Of Solace review

What makes James Bond good?

Favorite James Bond movie? Worst?
- Diamonds Are Forever
- Goldfinger

- Goldeneye

- Use to think On Her Majesty's Secret Service was
- Casino Royale 1st; Quantum of Solace 2nd

- Moonraker

Favorite James Bond villian? Worst?
Goldfinger - he's a thinking villian but still a classic Bond villian
Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd - just so weird

- Jaws

Mr. Big - Live And Let Die
Anyone - Casino Royale/Quantum of Solace

Favorite James Bond gadget? Least favorite?
Aston Martin DB5 from Goldfinger - bulletproof glass, bullet shield, revolving license plates, smoke screen, oil slick, machine guns, tire shredders,...AND EJECTION SEAT or the briefcase from From Russia With Love

- Laser watch

Least - Pen from Goldeneye

- Car from Tomorrow Never Dies

Film Geeks - Episode 35 - Geek Movie Rundown

EPISODE35 - Geek Movie Rundown

Episode Notes: This week we are covering a plethora of movies! "Zach And Miri Make A Porno", "Role Models", "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", "Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines", and "Total Recall 2"! Yes...there was a sequel to "Total Recall".

Download the show here - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-162600.mp3

Download other Film Geek shows here - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

Movie News

http://www.sffmedia.com/films/science-fiction-films/247-leaked-terminator-salvation-clips-bale-battles-10-terminator-models-.html
T4 - Update and Time Travel discussion from the Film Geeks....again!

http://dlisted.com/node/29187
Will Beyonce Be Spiderman 3 for women superheroes?

http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/jackson%20plans%20busy%202009%20as%20nick%20fury_1086051
Sam Jackson likes money

http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/mccartney%20to%20voice%20shrek%204%20character_1086044
British Beatle in Shrek 4? Why another Shrek? *Patrick misreads the story and makes an even bigger fool of himself*

http://www.etonline.com/news/2008/11/67369/
Sad news...why not just get some DNA?

http://www.apple.com/trailers/disney/up/
Briney sits up for Pixars new movie...."Up". Ooo I made a funny.

Movies reviewed:

Zach And Miri Make A Porno
Role Models
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Total Recall 2070
T3

Email show ideas or movies to review to us! film.geeks@yahoo.com

Film Geeks - Halloween Special

Title: EPISODE34 - You Scared The Geek Out Of Me!

Episode Notes: Yes, All Hallow's Eve is upon us and while some of us are anticipating hot chicks in sexy costumes, others are planning for an entire horror movie fest, when the sun sets and the lights go out. We're discussing horror movies of all varieties. Also Patrick shares his review of Max Payne.

Download this show - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-158723.mp3

Download other shows - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

http://geeksofdoom.com/2008/10/24/the-doom-dispatch-payne-vs-payne-great-games-terrible-movies/
Max Payne - Game Vs. Movie

http://movies.ign.com/articles/922/922515p1.html
Doctor Strange movie

http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/gran-torino/trailer
Clint Eastwood's new movie - Gran Torino Trailer

Patrick's Review Of Max Payne
* due to the seething and bad words like "hiney" and "sucks" Patrick used in the written review you're going to have to listen to the show to get his take on the movie.

Scariest Movie Ever Seen
- The Exorcist
- Texas Chainsaw Massacrew (2003)

Stupidest Scary Movie That Was Trying To Be
- The Blair Witch Project
- Teeth
- The Ring

Scary Movie That Was Fun
- Killer Klowns From Outer Space
- Evil Dead Series
- The Gingerdead Man
- Trolls 2
- Santa's Slay

Most Creative Scary Movie
- Scream
- Saw

Scary Movie That Shouldn't Have Been Good But Was
- The Stand
- Carrie

Best Remake Of A Scary Movie
- Dawn Of The Dead
- Texas Chainsaw Massacrew

Worst Remake Of A Scary Movie
- House On Haunted Hill
- 13 Ghosts

Classic Scary Movie That Really Isn't That Scary
- Halloween
- Nightmare On Elm Street
- Interview With The Vampire

Old Scary Movies
- Them!
- House On Haunted Hill
- 13 Ghosts

Film Geeks - Episode 33 - Geek Smorgasbord

Title: EPISODE33 - Geek Smorgasbord

Episode Notes: We are going to be covering a variety of topics including movies we're ashamed to admit we've seen, movies we liked when we saw them but don't know what we were thinking, and movies that would make the jockiest jock cry.

Download This Episode Here - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-157066.mp3

Download Other Episodes - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

Movie News

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081014/en_nm/us_ironman
Terrance Howard out, Don Cheadle in for Ironman 2

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/spidermansequels_blog.html
Update on Spiderman 4 and 5

http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/efron%20to%20star%20in%20pirates%20of%20the%20caribbean%204_1083892
Another Pirates Of The Caribbean movie

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/38764
No more He-Man

Smorgasbord

Patrick's Picks are first, then Briney's are after the space

Movies You Don't Like To Admit You've Watched
- Glitter
- Bring It On
- Crossroads
- Power Rangers - The Movie

- Bring It On
- Serendipity

Movies You Don't Like To Admit You Like
- Wing Commander
- Signs
- Pride And Prejudice
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin
- Legally Blonde
- The Animal
- Hudson Hawk
- High School Musical 1 + 2

- Wing Commander
- Signs
- I, Robot
- Blades Of Glory (mindless comedy movies)
- Zoolander

Movies You Saw Before And Liked But Now You Ask Yourself, "What Was I Thinking?!"
- Willow
- Water Boy
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3

- Pearl Harbor
- The Hulk

Movies That Made You Cry
- E.T.
- Passion Of The Christ
- Saving Private Ryan

- Passion Of The Christ
- Saving Private Ryan
- Pearl Harbor
- Click
- What Women Want
- October Sky
- Band Of Brothers

Movies With Amazing Music - Either Score Or Soundtrack

Scores:
- Star Wars series
- The Passion Of The Christ
- Gettysburg

- Lord Of The Rings
- 300
- Gladiator
- Transformers
- Troy
- 28 Days Later

Soundtracks:
- Matrix
- The Punisher
- Little Nicki
- The X-Files

- Ocean's Series
- Crash
- V For Vendetta

Movies You've Walked Out On Or Just Couldn't Finish
- Time Bandits
- Magnolia
- Fantasia

- Fight Club
- The Good Shepard

Movies That You Didn't Think You'd Get Through But Did
- Spiderman 3
- Pirates Of The Caribbean 3
- The Castle Of Fu Manchu
- Little Nicki
- What Dreams May Come
- Man Of The Year

- Pirates Of The Caribbean 3

Film Geeks - Episode 32 - Sports Night

Title: EPISODE32 - Geeks And Jocks Collide

Episode Notes: Geeks talking about sports movies?! Someone's getting stuffed into the locker at the end of this episode. Which ones did we think hit a home run and which one made us throw a flag on the play. Tune in for even better sports puns!

Download the episode here - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-153266.mp3

Download other episodes here - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

Movie News:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/herocomplex/2008/10/harrison-ford-s.html
Indy 5?
South Park rape.
Indiana Jones Meets Han Solo
http://theonewhereindianajonesmeetshansolo.blogspot.com/
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4358/3120/1600/SWT_19_6_Unknown_10.0.jpg
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4358/3120/1600/SWT_19_6_Unknown_09.jpg


http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Christopher-Nolan-Signed-For-Batman-3-10427.html
Nolan on for Batman 3
http://stars.ign.com/articles/916/916194p1.html
IGN's - Characters We Don't Want In Batman 3

http://www.hecklerspray.com/steven-seagal-under-seige-3-space-really/200816505.php
Under Siege 3....IN SPACE!

Sports Movies
* = ones we talked about

Good:
- Rookie Of The Year*
- The Sandlot*
- Bryan's Song
- A League Of Their Own*
- Cool Runnings
- Cutting Edge
- Invincible
- Rocky series - Especially IV and VI
- Hoosiers
- Mighty Ducks 1 - and 1 only
- Eight Men Out
- The Bad News Bears (1976)
- Field Of Dreams
- Remember The Titans*
- Major Leauge
- Facing The Giants*
- Rudy*
- Angels In The Outfield*
- For The Love Of The Game
- Pride Of The Yankees
- Brian's Song*
- Happy Gilmore
- Miracle
- Chariots Of Fire
- Victory
- Friday Night Lights

Bad:
- Waterboy*
- Any Given Sunday
- Rollerball (2001)
- Kingpin
- Bring It On
- Radio
- Varsity Blues*
- Million Dollar Baby
- Wimbledon

Just okay:
- We Are Marshall
- The Replacements
- White Men Can't Jump
- Space Jam
- The Natural
- Caddyshack
- The Big Green
- Little Giants
- Mean Machine
- Any sports movie involving Will Ferrell
- Tin Cup

Film Geeks - Episode 31

Title: EPISODE31 - Geeks Behind Bars

Episode Notes: We didn't do it! It was the one armed man! After a week off we're back...this time we're going to discuss prison movies. From those who are innocent, to those who aren't, and to even the POW camps. (NOTE - The reason for the last posting is exactly why we record in Skype. Talkshoe fails at everything it every attempts to do)

Download the show here - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-151227.mp3

Download other shows here - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

Movie News

http://news.yahoo.com/s/eonline/20080925/en_top_eo/30975
A new Batman for JLA movie

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/09/27/paul.newman.dead/
Paul Newman dies at 83

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/86486
- Useless MPAA
- Marky Mark - kid friendly?

http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2008-09-25-fireproof_N.htm?csp=34
Kirk Cameron's new movie accounts for 41% of movie tickets being sold on Fandango

http://www.avclub.com/content/cinema/fireproof
A review finding the movie bad - showing you why Hollywood and the typical crew of critics are out of it

BONUS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSjP2GBTr9U&
Mark Hamill's Star Wars audition tape (a taste at how much the script changed)

Movie Reviews:
- Burn After Reading - C- for Patrick
- Eagle Eye - B- for Briney
- Starship Troopers 3 - Marauder
- The Fall

Prison Movies:
* = talked about
- The Shawshank Redemtion*
- The Last Castle*
- The Great Escape
- Stalag 17
- Escape From Alcatraz*
- Death Race
- Cool Hand Luke*
- Bridge On The River Kwai
- The Green Mile*
- Alien 3
- Andersonville
- Sleepers
- The Rock - close enough!
- Escape From New York/L.A.
- American History X
- Schindler's List
- The Count Of Monte Cristo
- Brubaker

Starship Troopers 3 - Marauder - Review

Starship Troopers 3 - Marauder

There was a lot of talk going on about this movie before it even came out. It's almost unheard of for movies that go straight to DVD would get any ink. It's even more unheard of that any movie that is a sequel to the abomination that "Starship Troopers 2 - Hero Of The Federation" was. That movie was so bad it almost didn't make it into my collection of bad movies it was so bad. The biggest theory I heard about this installment was that it would follow the book, written by Robert A. Heinlein, and that it might just start all over again - another re-imagination movie. The other rumor was Casper Van Dien would come back to reprise his role as Johnny Rico. Only one of these rumors came true. As you can tell from the movie cover, Johnny Rico is back!

The one good thing that can be said about this installment of the series is at least this sequel has a semblance of a plot (unlike two). The never ending war with the bugs is still ongoing. Both sides have made advances and suffered setbacks. Colonel Johnny Rico is in command of a battle with the bugs on a farmer's planet. The site is overrun and it just so happens that a beloved singing Sky Marshall, Omar Anoke (played by Stephen Hogan) must flee from the planet causing the Sky Marshall and his crew to crash lands on a bug controlled planet OM-1. Johnny Rico is blamed for the loss of the planet and the Sky Marshall's MIA status is kept under wraps. The Sky Marshall is accompanied by his ship's pilot, Captain Lola Beck (played by Jolene Blalock who you might know for playing Sub-Commander T'Pol in "Star Trek - Enterprise"); cook, Jingo Ryan (played by Cokey Falkow); flight attendant, Holly Little (played by Marnette Patterson); and another marine, Chief Bull Brittles (played by Stelio Savante). The planet seems a little too quiet and the Sky Marshall seems to be loosing it. Although it appears that this crew didn't just happen upon this planet. Maybe God or bug, chose them to crash land on OM-1. Meanwhile, Johnny Ricco is saved from the noose by his friend General Dix Hauser (played by Boris Kodjoe) and is recited to the super secret Marauder program to go and rescue the Sky Marshall.

Grade - C+

First off let me say that this movie is NOT "Starship Troopers 2". In fact, it is on par with the cheese factor that the original movie had going for it. However, I do not understand why we cannot have another big battle with man and bug rather than an outcropping of people being forced to try to get off another planet where the bugs seem to have more in store than just to kill them all. The fake commercials show up a lot more in this one and add to the storyline. They are a lot cheesier which make them kind of more fun to watch than the actual movie. The main story is a bit too far fetched to me but comparing to movie two this is Casablanca with bugs! I have to say the biggest disappointment is the relatively few scenes with Johnny Rico and his character feels more like a cameo appearance than a real character. Jolene Blalock is not hard on the eyes and she turned me into putty holding various weapons and wearing a flight suit. Don't worry either, there is a scene dedicated to naked people that has no purpose to the movie; this is a constant staple that runs throughout all the movies.

With the animated version of this series it should come to no surprise what the Marauder program is. The Marauder program is the typical progression of the technology in these movies. They're mechs; clear and simple.

A little light on Rico and action, a decent subplot involving religion, more use of cheesy fake commercials that actually moves the story along make this installment an average movie. At least this one isn't number two. When the question was asked in that movie if I "want to live forever?", I would have taken my own life rather than watch that movie. With number three, I wouldn't mind watching more installments with Jolene Blalock, Marnette Patterson, and Cécile Breccia in it. That is, as long as I don't have to watch them in "Starship Troopers 2" director's "enhanced" cut.

Film Geeks - Episode 30

Title: EPISODE30 - Geek Riff

Episode Notes: The Geeks Riff this week on movie news, movies they've seen this week, and whatever else comes up

Download the show here - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-147299.mp3

Download other shows here - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

http://blogs.coventrytelegraph.net/thegeekfiles/2008/09/david-boreanaz-and-carla-gugin.html
"Angel" as the Green Lanter

http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/director%20bays%20apartment%20burgled_1080252
Briney has Michael Bay's underwear collection

http://mst3k.booyaka.com/mimosa/the_hand_that_time_forgot.html
Manos: The Hands Of Fate back story

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/09/12/future.cinema/index.html
3-D Movies Making A Come Back

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/09/09/oscar.outlook.ap/index.html
No Dark Knight, No Oscar For You

Film Geeks - Episode 29 - 12 Angry Geeks

Title: EPISODE29 - 12 Angry Geeks

Episode Notes: And the father of the baby is... With my dying breath, the money's location is... The killer is *lights off, a scream, and a shot*... the detective is...DEAD! This week we'll be talking about the most dramatic movies we've seen and why we go so wrapped up into them. We cover some movie news and where the technology is going to take us and where WE want it to go.

Remember we now record on Skype for betting audio quality. The username is "agentx216" and we ask you to mute your microphone and if you want to come in an talk just type it in the chat.

Download the show - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-145163.mp3

Other shows - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

Movie News

http://www.variety.com/VR1117991656.html
Big Budget Chances

http://www.businesssheet.com/2008/9/christopher-nolan-not-making-another-batman-movie
Batman news

http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Rosemary-s-Baby-Remake-Confirmed-8144.html
Jessica "Rosemary" Alba?

http://www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com/exclusive-sony-sets-sam-raimi-studio-may-shoot-4-and-5-at-same-time/
Spidy 4 and 5 Suck-a-thon

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/film/news/e3id9a975e26c8545c58af3176ddf00e637
Inside Man 2?

Dramatic Movies:

* - movies talked about

- 12 Angry Men*
- A Few Good Men
- Apollo 13*
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)*
- Casablanca
- The Shawshank Redemtion
- The 6th Sense
- The Young Mr. Lincoln
- Crimson Tide
- Do The Right Thing
- Failsafe
- Martian Child
- Mr. Smith Goes To Washington
- Rear Window - pretty much anything by Alfred Hitchcock
- Phone Booth*
- To Kill A Mocking Bird
- 25th Hour
- Inside Man*
- Cube
- The Mothman Prophecies
- The Never Ending Story*
- Star Wars - Episode IV - A New Hope
- Signs
- Right At Your Door
- Shooter
- John Q

Film Geeks - Disaster/End Of The World Movies Episode

Title: EPISODE28 - Every Geek And Sexy Scientist For Themselves!

Episode Notes: Ever been involved in a Twister or at the End Of Days? Aliens invade your Independence Day party or you live in Kansas and a nuke goes off and you have to survive the Day After? Have you ever had to sit through Battlefield Earth? Then you will enjoy our show about disaster/end of the world movies!

Download the specific show here - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-142220.mp3

Download other shows here - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

Movie News

http://io9.com/5042831/on-the-set-of-crank-2-whose-script-is-the-most-offensive-stathams-ever-read
Crank 2 star bashes the script

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080831/ap_en_mo/film_dark_knight
Dark Night surpasses 500 million

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/08/26/india.harry.potter.ap/index.html
India Harry Potter rip off?

http://www.allfacebook.com/2008/08/more-details-on-the-upcoming-facebook-movie/
Facebook movie

http://www.slashfilm.com/2008/08/27/buy-a-role-in-spider-man-4/
Buy a role in Spider-Man 4

End Of The World/Disaster movies

* = ones we talked about

- Deep Impact*
- Right At Your Door*
- Armageddon*
- When Worlds Collide*
- Day After Tomorrow*
- Dr. Stranglove
- Left Behind
- Independence Day
- Mars Attack*
- Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea
- Volcano*
- Failsafe*
- The Day After
- A Boy And His Dog*
- Mad Max
- The Core*
- 12 Monkies*
- I Am Legend*
- Omega Man
- Dante's Peak*
- Waterworld*
- Towering Inferno
- The Andromeda Strain
- Outbreak*
- End Of Days
- Twister
- Cloverfield
- War Of The Worlds - 1953
- War Of The Worlds - 2006

The Maltese Falcon (1941) - Review

The Maltese Falcon (1941)

This movie is a staple of not only classic film noir but is also an example that Hollywood use to make good movies once. Filmed over a two month period and for the extravagant price of $300,000, the movie hosts smart directing, crafty writing, and a gala of talent that is not seen today. Of course, this is one of the first movies to be a remake of the original (the original being only ten years pervious in 1931, which was directed by Roy Del Ruth and starred Ricardo Cortez as the principle character). This is a movie which earns its accolades and is an enjoyment to watch in an age where extreme violence and nudity are a "must have" for you mystery/action/thriller movie.

Private detective, Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart) finds himself hounded by police and ruffians after his partner, Miles Archer (Jerome Cowan), gets gunned down on a case they were working on. Spade must find out what the real motives of the beautiful dame, Brigid O'Shaughnessy (Mary Astor), who hired them was really up to, who killed his partner, and find out just exactly what he's in the middle of. He comes to find out that the object of everyone's desire is an ebony falcon from Malta that is suppose to be covered in gold and jewels and from the ancient past. Sam's loyalty to the job and to the memory of his old partner is tested against the girl he might be in love with. He must also battle wits with the men; Kasper Gutman (Sydney Greenstreet), Joel Cairo (Peter Lorre), and Wilmer Cook (Elisha Cook, Jr.); who aren't afraid to kill him if Spade doesn't have the leverage of where to find the sought after bird.

John Huston not only directed this movie but he wrote the screenplay from the novel by Dashiell Hammett. The movie is pretty much scene-for-scene and line-for-line exactly like the novel. Huston used storyboards that allowed him to focus more on camera movement and how a scene is set up which anyone looking can really tell the class that John Huston shows in his first directorial role. This film helped to define him not only as a bankable director/writer but also as an artist and credit to his profession.

When watching the acting in this you have to take in the fact that acting styles have changed since the early times of the industry. When a mystery movie wants to add tension you have the actors hold position and time almost seems to stand still. Lines today are delivered slower and are weighted to add tension. In this film, the acting is excellent when you watch it with an eye of the time. Sam Spade is your heartthrob character who makes it by the skin of his teeth but tries to put it out there like he knows exactly where everything is going. From the slight smile Bogey puts on his character you believe he has the case wrapped up - he just hasn't put all the puzzle pieces in place yet but he knows what the picture is. I bet you George Raft kicked himself for turning down this role later. Mary Astor in here delivers her lines very nicely and you can never get a handle on who she really is, which is the point of her character. The first acting job of Sydney Greenstreet is done marvelously. His character, Gutman (what else would you call a close to 400lb man?), has an err of gentlemen gangster. You just don't find that breed of criminal anymore. Not quick to anger and wanting people to take him at his word, even after he drugs you and has his henchmen kick you in the face. The characters deliver their lines a little bit too fast, but as I said, this is a different acting style that we are use to. Of course, it could be that Huston wanted Spade smarter than the audience watching it which is a gamble, especially in today's world of Stallones and Schwarzeneggers, where you don't have to worry about moving faster with their intellect.

Because Huston didn't change much to Hammett's novel (hint hint Hollywood of today), the story is amazing. You never really can figure out what happened until the Spade figures it out piece by piece and then he figures it all out at the very end and you feel as if you're only a step away with him talking out what happened. This type of mentality makes you feel a bit like Spade's Dr. Watson to his Sherlock; he's a little bit smarter and faster than you but you're right on his heels. The range that Spade has to go through lends a testament to the greatness that Humphrey Bogart was as an actor. Spade must act for the different people he meets to find out what he can but he also struggles with duty over love. The final reveal of who the killer of his partner had me in a tizzy and it's great to watch this classic movie in high definition for content and acting. I do have one little gripe, the audio quality is not as it could be. I do not know if it was a compression fault or just degradation of the film. Still, the writing of a great novel comes through in the three fold dimensions of directing, writing, and acting.

Grade - A+

There are some movies that are popular because people are told they are good. There are some movies that are popular because they are, indeed, great. This movie is the latter. John Huston shows himself to be a credit to his trade not only as a director but also a writer. He allows the original work to speak for itself and he only adds the pictures. Bogart is still the man as ever and he's still charming for today, even he does use "sweetheart" and "darling" that seems to almost diminish the female characters. Mary Astor does a great job of keeping you guessing to what her character is really all about and whether or not she is lying and when. Greenstreet's Gutman wonderfully portrays the old romantic gangster image of a gentlemen criminal. The cinematography shows the classic film noir style and it's a sadly missed style, in this reviewer's humble opinion. In today's crapfest of Hollywood rehashed and unoriginal dreck, this movie is "the stuff that dreams are made of".

Fido - Review

Fido

Recently, it seems as if the zombie genre has been teaming up with an unlikely partner - comedy. With the recent success of "Shaun Of The Dead" zombies can now be seen in a comedic light, and not just unintentional comedy either. "Shaun" is not the first movie to mar the two elements into a movie, Peter Jackson's "Dead Alive" is not only a zombie comedy but I think it's one of the most disturbing and just plain weird movies ever made. You also have "Army Of Darkness" lend a bit to the two genre combination. This movie is attempting to follow in the footsteps of movies like these.

This movie is a bit odd. The time that it takes place in is never revealed but it appears as if it's the future but we've reverted back to the 1950s. The movie even opens up with a 50's style newsreel about the zombie war. So mankind had fought against the zombie horde and pretty much won. They have developed communities that shelter themselves from attack and ZombCo has developed a control collar that stops a zombies craving for flesh and will take orders from the owner. That's all back story to a young Timmy Robinson (K'Sun Ray - seriously that's his name) who befriends a zombie he names Fido (Billy Connolly - yes Il Duce!). Fido is Timmy's only friend and his home life seems as if he more gets in the way of his parents, Bill (Dylan Baker) and Helen (Carrie-Anne Moss - she not butch or in leather in this one!). Fido's collar has problems one day and he eats part of the next-door neighbor. The story is about Billy protecting Fido and Fido learning his place as an undead person. Imagine it a bit like "Old Yeller" but instead of a dog it's a zombie!

Grade - C+

I really liked the 50's feel to this movie but there just wasn't enough plot for me to really get interested. The mom seems to switch character stance half way through the movie without explanation. Timmy also quickly changes from not liking zombies at all to loving one. It's the lack of caring about anything else that's really going on in the movie that hurts it. I would have liked to seen a focus on Timmy and Fido but you don't really get that. The scenes we do see are kind of sporadic in what the movie is trying to focus on but it never really stays with one for too long. My least favorite part is Fido doesn't end up needing his control collar...for some odd reason. This was the turning point where I just cared a lot less about the movie because it made no sense. The mother becomes my favorite character when she starts caring about her son (again for no reason whatsoever) and it's fun to see Carrie-Ann Moss pull off a 50's mom. Billy Connolly as a zombie is hilarious to see but his character changes from being a zombie to being a zombie who can control his urges. I wanted to like this movie more but without more of a plot and the constant changes of the character it's really hard for me to like this one a whole lot.

Film Geeks - Episode 27 Is Up

Title: EPISODE27 - Geek Fan Fiction

Episode Notes: Have you ever watched a movie and thought to yourself, "Wow, this movie could have been better if it ended like this..." or "It would be better if it had this in it...". Join us for our picks and plots. Then we'll be hitting up the audience for their plots. You can even email them to film.geeks@yahoo.com. Remember we are recording on Skype now (username = agentx216) and we just ask that you mute yourself until you're called on.

Download This Show Here - http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-14391/TS-140031.mp3

Other Show Can Be Found Here - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391

SHOW NOTES:

Movie New

http://splashpage.mtv.com/2008/08/04/arkham-asylum-scribe-grant-morrison-opens-up-heath-ledgers-joker-diary/
Heath Ledger's Joker Diary

http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Wheel-Of-Time-Movie-Coming-9810.html
Wheel Of Time Movie - Geeks and Half Elves Rejoice

http://www.hecklerspray.com/venom-movie-pushed-forward-on-a-wave-of-unoriginality/200815624.php
Venom movie

http://www.superherohype.com/news/watchmennews.php?id=7598
Will Watchment get released?

http://movieblog.ugo.com/index.php/movieblog/more/campbell_talks_evil_dead_4/
Bruce Campbell and Evil Dead 4

http://gawker.com/5037992/robert-downey-jr-fuck-dc-comics
RDJr. says that Dark Knight is too smart so "f it"

http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1593180/story.jhtml
Did Harvey Dent Die?

Fan Fiction

- Independence Day - The crashing attack ships at the end up taking out more people than the aliens killed. A new rush to use alien technology is sought after and Zimbabwe becomes a superpower after getting surviving aliens to build them weapons. American, China, and Russia join forces but are wiped our. President Whitmore drinks himself to death after downing two kegs by himself while playing Spaceballs on repeat and commenting how much of a hack Lonestar is. Meanwhile a crazed induced Capt. Miller decides that aliens have launched a secret war by impersonating humans and after killing his new wife and stepson, launches the entire nuclear arsenal of the US. Thus blowing up the world.

Donnie Darko - At the end Donnie decides not to die but instead see the Matrix and meets Brandon Routh's Superman. After Superman breaks down crying because of his not knowing his sexual identity or even why he's such a wussy Superman. Donnie Darko gives Superman a wedgie and boots him in the butt, sending Superman face planting into the moon.

The Matrix Revolution - Neo and the original Agent Smith square off surrounded by an entire world of Agent Smiths. The two titans stare each other down and sprint towards each other. A glint in Neo's eye stops him and Agent Smith at the same time right in mid stride. Five other Agent Smiths pull out a washboard, a banjo, a jug, and a jews harp. Neo and the Agent Smiths perform every musical number from Clint Eastwood's musical "Paint Your Wagon". Then they grab a beer at a nice Tex-Mex bar and grill and recount their tales of screwing around with the Matrix.

Alien Vs. Predator - The aliens don't kill all but three humans within the first three minutes of exploring the temple. Instead 3 scientists and 7 Marines are left to battle the Aliens and the Predators. The humans fight both the Predators and the Aliens. There are casualties on all sides. Two humans remain. The black chick scientist after getting marked for honor by the last surviving Predator waits until his back is turned and stabs him in the back killing him. She then dons on his armor and is taken to the Predator home world were she just go psycho and kills as many of them as she can until they elect her ruler over them and she sets up her throne on a stack of Predator skulls like Conan. Meanwhile, a crazed Marine sniper hollows out an Alien creature and uses the skin as armor. The Aliens can't tell the difference and they make there way to a ship and to the Alien home world. The Queen of all Queens is there in the middle of the city surrounded by billions of Aliens. He makes the mistake of sneezing. The Aliens attack him and present him to the Queen. Before she has a chance to eviscerate the Marine, lightning sends a few dozen Aliens from the middle of the party. A glowing ball expands and smoke clouds the object. A slow rising camera rises from the feet of the creature who came from the orb. It's a woman who's human name was Ripley, her eyes glow red, and we fade to black. Alien Vs. predator Vs. Terminator shows up on the screen.

Anchorman - In the last quarter of the movie, everyone stops making jokes and it quickly becomes an intense and exhaustive study on the effects of the main stream media being controlled by corporations and being in league with the federal government. People would not know what to do with the just drastic change in the story and tone and genre of the movie.

Back To The Future III - Doc Brown asks Marty to go on one last wild adventure with him on his time traveling train. Marty smiles at his girlfriend and they hop on. Marty asks where they are going. To which Doc replies, "well I've got to take these over due library books back so they won't be over due." Marty's grin widens and he says, "And thennnn?" Doc stares at Marty blankly. Marty stares back. This goes on for 3 full minutes. Then Doc breaks out laughing saying, "Ha ha nahhh, we're going to go to the future and punch the fire Morlock in the nether-regions!" There is cheering all around.

Spider-Man 3 - I would write the story so that it didn't suck.

Batman & Robin - Mr. Freeze makes one too many cold, ice, freeze jokes in the beginning of the movie. Robin dodges the freeze ray and snaps Mr. Freeze's neck as Batman screams "Noooooo!" Batman goes over to the lifeless body only to find out that Mr. Freeze is really his thought to be dead father and Mr. Freeze was told by the Joker that Batman had killed Bruce Wayne. Batman then turns into a crazed bad guy after breaking out of Arkum and slaughtering and eating all the villains he has put in there. Robin teams up with The Punisher and they hunt Batman.

Big - Josh tells the police that he the chick touched him and made him touch her and she gets arrested for child pedophilia.

The Bourne Identity - Jason Bourne really isn't a spy but after hitting his heading and loosing his memory he is accessing all the spy films he's seen in his previous life as a zoo keeper.

Ratatouille- The cook kills the rat and after hearing the final confession of the talking rat decides to begin his life as a drug dealer. Still keeping his job as a cook, he devises a food item that is like mixing every kind of drug together into one. The code word for ordering it is Ratatouille. You watch the young cook's rise in the drug trade business and putting a hit out of his short, annoying boss and making an addict out of the hot girl he worked with. You also watch his fall as an INTERPOL officer attempts to track him down. The movie ends with the INTERPOL officer and the cook holding guns to each others heads and saying "one of us needs to put our gun down first and we'll just walk away from it all." to which the other replies "it's hard to trust an enemy after being enemies for so long." the final words in the film are "it sure is" and fade to black. Now THAT'S a Pixar movie I want to see!

Close Encounters Of The Third Kind - The military pulls a fast one on the aliens and kidnaps them. The aliens are then bred and harvested after finding out their meat is the most nutrious and long lasting meat in the universe. World hunger is abolished and the planet grows prosperous. A galactic war starts and it looks like we don't even have a chance at winning until the birth of a small child that his parents end up calling, Ender Wiggins.

Cloverfield - Destruction and anarchy reign. The monster makes his way to LA where he picks up the director of Donnie Darko and forces him to explain every part of the movie to his satisfactory. After that he calls Gammera, he's a friend to children, and they return to their home planet of Venus where the only channel they get of Earth's is somehow when Donnie Darko is on HBO. Cloverfield and Gammera are given a ticker tape parade and victory is declared and answers are only shared with their planet and those that agree to serve them as indentured servants.

Crank - The only thing I would change is that when he falls from the plane he lands in a pillow storage facility that is getting a new roof put on and the force of the impact forces the poison to his stomach where the mixture of the drugs, energy drinks, caffeine pills, etc. makes him expel everything out. He lays there dazed, shakily stands up and says, "I need a car" and at that moment Frank from The Transporter slides to a stop in front of him and says "Get in. They have your girlfriend and my son." BAM! Spinoff

Die Hard 3 - Willis shoots Jackson, thus making DH3 a better movie.

Do The Right Thing - Spike Lee comes on after the credits and calmly states, "And that's why I think slavery should be started again."

Enemy At The Gates - The two snipers have each other in their sites. It's the first time actually seeing each other. The tension is thick. Who will fire first. Nothing happening. A piano corus occurs and the last half hour of the movie is Romeo and Juliet meets Brokeback Mountain. Enemy at the Gates 2 an Ang Lee picture.

Reign Of Fire - The Americans tear the bare arms off Matthew McConaughey and team up with the Brits. The two forces inspire the last remnants of humanity to fight dragon after dragon. Around the world mankind teams up and struggles using weapons of a forgotten war. Sages find caches of books on old magic and they travel the globe teaching magic to humanity. What you have now. 1) a dragon movie 2) magic and modern weaponry 3) a story about mankind vs. dragons and not about man vs. man where there's only one male dragon and somehow he was able to create another dragon to make with and there is no genetic decay from that one male dragon producing offspring with his own offspring

Ghost Rider - After Nick Cage makes a deal with the devil, he falls off his bike after staring at himself in his bike's mirror. Thus breaking his neck and he's never allowed to make another movie again. Oh and Mark Wahlberg is assigned by the courts to be his 24/7 caretaker after Marky Mark's acting ability is found by the international courts to be crimes against humanity.

Mrs. Doubtfire - At the end, the parents get back together and Mrs.Doubtfire comes on the screen and says, "Children, through deceit and trickery you too can get your divorced parents back together again. After all, it worked in the "Parent Trap" tee hee".

Lord Of The Flies - The Goonies meet Stand By Me group

LOTR - Return Of The King - Frodo asks Gandolf, "Hey, Gandolf, why couldn't we have used the giant eagles to take us to Mount Doom?" Gandolf stares blankly. Fade to black and fade up from black. The hobbits are sitting around a table eating Sam asks Frodo, "Mmmm, Frodo, can you pass another thigh this way?" Merry says to Pip and the rest, "Who knew the old wizard had so much meet under those robes?" They laugh and freeze on that shot and play "Don't You Forget About Me". Credits.

Jurassic Park III - Completely new script. John Hammond is broke and on the brink of insanity. INGEN gets taken over in a hostile take over. A solid SNAP! can be heard in Hammond's head when told the news. He then unleashes dinosaurs throughout the country and the rest of the world and he won't deactivate them until he's paid. Military fighting dinos. In the end, Native American save us and reclaim half of the eastern hemisphere. Hammond makes his way to Jupiter where intelligent dinosaurs rule. We find out that dinos didn't go extinct, they just left us low brow humans behind.

Saving Private Ryan - Private Ryan grows up to be even a bigger meanie than Hitler.

The Happening - Mark Wahlberg and Julie Roberts plan a wedding and get married. The twist is...there is no twist!

Signs - We find out that the aliens are on the wrong planet and they should have made a left at Albuquerque

Submit your own fan fiction in the comments section or email them to film.geeks@yahoo.com

We'll read them on the air!

Any ideas for next week's show?

Hellboy Animated - Blood And Iron - Review

Hellboy Animated - Blood And Iron

This is the second Hellboy animated movie I have seen. The animation style is the same, the main characters voiced by the same actors are great to have back, and the story seems as promising as "Hellboy Animated - Sword Of Storms". I did like the first animated movie which had a decent storyline, some good writing with classic Hellboy lines, and some knockout action. Will this one hold up to the last one?

There are two stories that combine into the main plot in this movie. The first is shown in flashback form where we watch a young Professor Bruttenholm in 1939 hunt a female vampire who uses the blood of many young women to keep herself looking young and beautiful by bathing in it. The other story takes place in modern day where the BPRD (Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense) are sent to investigate a haunted house. Later we find out someone, or something is trying to bring back the female vampire that Professor Broom destroyed long ago.

Grade - D+

There are many problems I have with this story over the other animated movie. First of all, there is little to no action in the movie. Hellboy just ends up fighting some snakes and an iron tomb towards the end. There is no huge battle of ancient gods like in "Sword Of Storms". Abe is tortured in one scene and is later Willey Coyote healed enough to run to help Liz. Liz doesn't do anything in this one except burn some phantom wolf pack that I have no reason why they where there or what their motives were. Second, to get all the main characters into the haunted house story line boarders on horribly written 1930's sci-fi dialog. The Professor says he "has a feeling" and that Abe, Liz, and Hellboy all must go with him. Third, the body count in this is low with only one human death. Finally, the best character in the movie is the Professor. The movie is called Hellboy, not Professor Broom. Yet, he has some of the better lines whereas Hellboy just says "crap" one too many times. A big pet peeve I have with this movie is the title itself "Blood and Iron". Okay, I get the "blood" part; vampires and all that jazz. However the only thing remotely "iron" is some iron maiden device (used to drain blood from women) gets turned into a fighting monster from an hellish god that wants Hellboy to join her and the rest of Hell's legions and stop fighting for the humans. This storyline has nothing to do with anything else in the movie and is just out of place overall.

While there are a few good things about this movie, nothing stands out like "Sword Of Storms". I'd pass on this one and watch the other one.

Gathering Geeks - Episode 12

Gathering Geeks - Episode 12 - The iFire

Main page here - http://onegeekandamicrophone.com/gg

Main download here - http://media.libsyn.com/media/og/gg0012.mp3

In this episode we discuss:

3 alarm fire @ Apple
Hives=BAD
95 iPhones per store/per day
CK's new job @ National Geographic
Weird Google Streetview captures
Big Brother is watching you!!!
and more......

This Week’s Movie Pick-
"Evolver"

Rent this movie and many more, and take half off your first month of service when you visit onegeekandamicrophone.com/blockbuster

Check out Patrick every week, Live Sundays at 7 PM EST on talkshoe.com. Also, check out Film reviews and other geeky stuff at filmgeeksshow.blogspot.com

Check out CK’s Sound Check, Live Thursday’s at 9:30 EST

Special thanks to Derek K. Miller, who provided our theme song "Hotcake Syrup".

An Evening With Kevin Smith 1 + 2 - Review

An Evening With Kevin Smith and An Evening With Kevin Smith 2 - Evening Harder

I'm a big, big fan of Kevin Smith's work. His writing and story settings are genius; not to mention he's a geek. "Clerks", "Mallrats", "Chasing Amy", "Dogma", "Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back", "Jersey Girl", "Clerks 2", and the soon to be release "Zack And Miri Make A Porno" make up the body of his directorial work. I love each film and his commentaries for all the DVDs make owning one DVD seem like you're getting two. My writing of these two movies is more directed at the casual fans who like some of Smith's films but haven't watched everything else he's done.

This will be a somewhat shorter review because these two movies are about Kevin Smith, with guest appearances by Jason Mewes and a few others, standing in front of a group of college kids (AEWKS 1) and a Canadian and English audience (AEWKS 2) and answering questions and sharing stories.

For most any other director this would be dull and an episode of "Inside The Actor's Studio" would be sufficient. However, with a writing genius that Kevin Smith is whose movies are based mostly around dialog, this is a fascinating set of films.

The worst part about these movies are actually the fans/questioners themselves. You have to give Smith a lot of patients not to choke a few of the people out who act like complete morons. Instead, he uses witty banter to make fun of the really bad ones.

All that aside, Smith is able to steer the conversation into some very interesting and hilarious stories. If you know Kevin Smith and are a fan or listened to his podcast he does with Scott Mosier called SModcast, you know Smith holds nothing back from his fans. He has an opinion on most things and if there is something Smith believes is sacred I have yet to hear him utter, "I won't talk about that" or "That's pretty private". The man will talk about anything and it's amazing how some of the really perverted stories or items of knowledge you might not want to know about a person let alone a very talented director are incredibly funny.

The following are just A FEW topics covered on AEWKS 1 and 2 that make it a must watch:

AEWKS 1
- Writing a Superman script and why "Wild Wild West" sucked so much
- A story of singer Prince that makes you thankful you are not famous like that
- The first time Kevin had sex with his hot wife
- How Smith writes and how he finds material
- Protesting your own movie can be fun - we need more glitter!

AEWKS 2
- There can be only one Holy Trilogy - "Star Wars" Vs. "Lord Of The Rings"
- Backlash received from the first "An Evening With..." DVD
- How becoming a father has/hasn't changed Smith's life and the shows kids watch
- Shooting his wife for Playboy
- Kevin Smith Vs. The Media and how Hollywood really works

For me to quote anything from the DVDs would be taking things out of context and not fun at all. Smith uses his golden potty mouth and sexual references to tell very interesting stories and jokes.

Grade - A+

I have watched both 1 and 2 multiple times now and I still laugh just as hard. I can't wait for the third DVD to be released. Kevin Smith has the patience to deal with the audience questioners where as I would have to smack a lot of them. He does a great job steering the conversation but also expanding and digressing into other stories. How he has so many funny stories and how he can tell them so well is a testament to just how good his film are. The Prince story told in the first movie is, I think, the best story so far. Also the crude humor that I usually don't go for is hysterical. The only negative thing I can say about 1 and 2 is that Jason Mewes is almost a worthless surprise guest. He misses both his cues to come out on stage for both movies and he seems like he doesn't want to be there or add anything worthwhile at all. That aside, if Kevin Smith taped every Q&A he did and put it out on DVD, I would own every single one of them and watch them multiple times. Pick these movies up to be entertained by a talented director, a funny storyteller, and a Hollywood director that will tell anyone, anything they want to know about him.

A Bullet For Joey - Review

Recently I've unexplainably been on a kick of Film Noir themes in my life. I've been replaying Max Payne for the PC, I've started adding a bunch of Film Noir movies to my Netflix queue (become a fan and see), and I've even started writing my own Film Noir-esk detective story in my spare time. When I get the rough draft finished I will be posting it on here by chapter to see if you geeks and geekets like it. Soon I expect to be having soliloquies in my daily life if I'm not careful. They didn't know. They would never know. How could I live with the secrets waiting to break the blockade and the deluge of truth flow into the light? ... I'm sorry, what was I saying? Well to get me in the mood to write I play some Max Payne and watch a Film Noir movie. So if you are a regular reader of the movie reviews don't be too surprised if you start seeing a bunch of Film Noirs get posted.

A Bullet For Joey

When he wasn't being hulled in front of McCarthy and the House Un-American Activities Committee, Edward G. Robinson somehow decided to star as the hero in this film. You can tell Hollywood has changed a lot since 1955 because Robinson is not the heartthrob that a Ben Affleck of today is. It would be as if William Conrad from "Jake And The Fatman" TV show were to have a very intimate love scene with Angelina Jolie. I know, it's almost as bad as seeing Dennis Franz butt and I apologize for both mental images you might now have. Although Robinson doesn't have a love interest in the film it is still odd to think that he was one of the main characters thrown on the screen. You have to remember too, I was watching this on a smaller screen then the people who went to the theater in 1955 and decided to watch this movie on the big screen. Robinson's big round face and big sucker fish lips must have pushed the audience back into their seats with a feeling that they would get sucked into those lips of his.

Lewis Allen directs this movie and while many label it a Film Noir, it's hard to recognize it as one. I'll get into that more below. Joey Victor (George Raft), a former crime boss, has been exiled from the US and is living in Europe. He is trying to survive but he misses his life of luxury he once knew. He is contacted by a group of people who ferry him over to Canada where they pay him $100,000 dollars plus expenses to do a job that a lot of money back then. He gets his new employer to "get the band back together" and he is reunited with his old gang. He also strong arms his former lover, Joyce Geary (Audrey Totter) to help him; there's always a dame involved. His job is to kidnap atomic physicist, Dr. Carl Macklin (George Dolenz) and smuggle him out of the country. However Royal Canadian Mounted Police Inspector Raoul Leduc (Edward G. Robinson) is following the bodies left by Victor and his men and his employer. All the murders revolve around Dr. Macklin and Leduc and the RCMP try and track down the killers. Joey finds out the men he is working for are communists and he might have to tell Hell to prepare for an ice storm because he might have to work with the police to save his beloved America from the Russians and their nefarious plans.

First of all, this movie struggles to be called a "film noir". The typical thought is either some detective who walks the fine line of right and wrong or some anti-hero you're suppose to root for. I don't know if Joe Victor is even the main character let alone someone you are suppose to care about and root for. From the description of the film's plot, it made me think that Joe and Leduc would team up to stop the Ruskies once he found out who they were. That doesn't happen until the last seven minutes of the movie. Also, the movie doesn't make it clear that the people who hired Victor are Russian, let alone communists. This movie has several glaring plot holes on top of this, as well as some fine '50s cheese.

The movie doesn't tell you what Dr. Macklin actually does or why he is so important to the Russians. Also, if Dr. Macklin is working on atomic technology for the Americans why is he in Canada and why doesn't he have military protection surrounding him?

Mobsters of the '50s must have attempted to be smarter in their capers than those of today. If you want to kidnap someone today all you need is about four men and a van. Heck, with the protection that the Mounties provide Dr. Macklin in the film all you need is a .22 and a car.

"Get in the car, Dr. Macklin." brandish the .22. Dr. Macklin gets in the car. Drive to docks. Get paid.

Here, Joe and his gang devise some elaborate plot to earn the doctor's trust by having hard-looking blond, Joyce, seduce him and one of his other men seduce the doctor's secretary to find out what he is working on and where. His handlers aren't in a rush at all either and the amount of time they spend goofing around with this cockamamie plan takes so much time that the Iron Curtain could have fallen by the time he carried out his kidnapping plan.

Let me talk about how idiotic this plan is by wrapping it up. Dr. Macklin falls in love with Joyce who tells him she's leaving to go back to America. He offers to drive her to the airport. He comes over and because Joyce isn't ready to leave yet, the housekeeper offers him a drink which knocks him out. The person pouring the drink is the same guy who is hiring Victor and his men for 100 G's! Why didn't the guy just invite the doctor over for a glass of sherry and pocket the money?

I will say that Inspector Leduc isn't the typical movie inspector who knows way too much or comes up with the answer just by thinking it through on the first clue.

Typical Hollywood detective: "Yes, this murder of the Mounty was probably done by the work of a monkey organ grinder who is in league with the communists to try and kidnap Dr. Macklin!"

So at least Inspector Leduc is a believable detective and it's nice to see that he is limited to normal talent of regular detectives. However, when he gets captured he suddenly turns into a man trying to sow distention in the ranks of the crew, is able to freely roam around instead of being rubbed out right then and there, and he has a smarmy way about him. His character completely changes in the last part of the movie and it's a tough sell to do so with the character; Robinson's pudgy and roundness doesn't help the transition any better.

The most glaring plot hole in the movie is even after Dr. Macklin is kidnapped. Leduc and one of his men pose as truck drivers who are transporting Dr. Macklin's secret experiment/device/blender? I have no clue what it is because the movie never tells you. To make matters even worse, the hardest transition I've ever seen happens in this movie. The bad guys have Dr. Macklin and I'm thinking, "Ok, now's the time that Inspector Leduc starts pulling the clues together and figures it all out in time to save Dr. Macklin." Not at all, because the very next scene is Leduc and lackey getting into a truck and you have no clue why. Only much, much, MUCH latter that they are posing as truck drivers transporting Dr. Macklin's secret device to lure the mobsters to capture them and take them to Dr. Macklin and the show runners. All that I wrote after "MUCH" is nothing you find out until after everything I wrote happens. My brain almost exploded from the leap the movie made.

Another problem this movie has is that it only hints that the handlers are communists or even Russian. The movie never tells you where the doctor is being taken to after the kidnapping and there is no speech about how communism is the "cool thing" and a counter speech about how it's "suxorz".

Robinson, as I said, is a pretty good detective for the most part. I do find it funny that a few years after he stood in front of HUAC, he is cast in an anti-communist film. Joe Victor started out as someone you could root for but quickly fades from your fandom. On a side note, no one in this movie refers to Joe Victor as "Joey" so if you're going to stick with the title it should be "A Bullet For Joe". Am I wrong that I expect the person who the bullet is for to be referred to that name at least once if you're going to use it in the main title? So Joe kind of drifts in the background halfway through the movie, but he is smart. He doesn't take chances of being caught. He knows not to use the telephone he's staying at to call any place he doesn't want traced back and he knows when to leave his hiding hole and move on. This along with the normal knowledge held by the inspector, make the two main characters good characters but the plot holes and the quick changes in the characters behaviors made me rooting more for Dr. Macklin to come out with guns blazing and save himself.

There is some fun classic cheese in this film that always tickles me. People who are shot, grab from their midsection where there is no bullet hole. People who are shot, always stop when shot and fall in the spot they are standing. The best death scene in here is the organ grinder towards the beginning. He is force to kill a Mounty and his boss grabs him by his shoulders and throws him out of the camera view. You later find out the organ grinder is dead. That kill rivals on the worst one since the UN officer in "The Omega Code".

I will say this. There are some really great lines given in this film.

Dr. Macklin to a monkey - "Do you know what fools we mortal be? Huh? Do you? Well I think you do. Well don't tell anyone. Let it be our little secret."

Nicky - "It's old Saint Nick himself."
Joyce - "Well climb back up the chimney. I don't like your brand of toys."

There are a few others that I enjoyed as well so it did have some potential of being a good script. There is also a really good scene that has a hitman snipe out one of Joe's crew when he screwed up. It bordered on the feeling like the end of "Godfather" and it had a classic Noir feel to it. Cloaked in shadow the gunmen sat, a long angled shot makes the audience feel as if they were the ones who pulled the trigger. Bang!

The really funny thing about this movie is that I've never heard a mobster refer to using sex to make someone trust you or even refer to sex as "making love". The phrase is used a few times in the movie and it made me giggle. Watch a show like "Sopranos" then watch this movie and it will make you giggle a bit too. Although for 1955, "making love" might be akin to using the "s-word" on TV today. It must have been so taboo.

Grade - C-

Don't let this film discourage you from the great genre that is film noir. While this movie isn't full on noir, it isn't necessarily all that bad. The biggest thing that hurts the movie is the plot holes. The movie gives the audience both sides of the story but slaps them in the face if they ask questions about why something is happen or what is happening. Leduc's undercover scene with transporting the doctor's secret "whatever" threw me so far out of the movie that I found myself on the other side of my viewing monitor. The complexity the mobsters went through to kidnap the doctor is absurd and the final outcome of the kidnapping is just random. The final scenes of the movie are decent enough and Joe has a good last line. I wish they would have spent more than the last seven minutes with Joe and Leduc working together. Sadly, the flaws outweigh the positives in this film. It's not a bad movie, but not a movie I would suggest that people watch who are looking for a good film noir movie. There is a monkey in it however. The title delivers on its name but that fact leaves no guess work as to what the ending in. Plot holes abound so watch out and enjoy the few good lines this movie has to offer.

Harold And Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay - Review

Harold And Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

So this really isn't the type of movie I go for. However, on the advice of a friend I watched the first one, and to my surprise I didn't hate it. It wasn't the funniest movie I ever saw, but it was just so random and zany. That's right - zany. So when I saw that Harold And Kumar would be back for a sequel I knew I'd be watching it. While I didn't go out to the theaters and watch it, I did bump it up on my Netflix queue (Follow My Netflix Activity). Then I had to wait a little bit after receiving it. For movies like these, I have found that I must be in the right mood in order to get any enjoyment out of it. For example, this movie is not one that I would ever watch after just waking up from sleep. It's also not one I'd watch right after church. The best times for movies like these to be enjoyed is to watch it late at night after a bit of Mountain Dew. Wow, I'm a plugging whore today.

This time Danny Leiner, who directed the first installment of H&K is gone. In his place are the writers for the first one, as well as this one, Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg. John Cho reprises his role as Harold Lee, Kal Penn reprises his role as Humar Patel, and how can you have a Harold and Kumar movie without Neil Patrick Harris as Neil Patrick Harris? A few of the other people from the first movie are back as well but don't really play that big of a role this time.

If I give away some of the plot here it won't matter since the entire story is about the journey rather than the destination. It's the following day after Harold and Kumar come back from White Castle and they are set to travel to the weed capital of the world, Amsterdam. Yet, they don't quite make it on this trip as the passengers of the plane mistake Kumar's crazy antics for terrorist activity. This makes government agent, Ron Fox (Rob Corddry), giddy enough to throw them in Guantanamo Bay without a trial or phone call or any such basic rights. Once there they escape, travel with some Cuban refugees to Miami where they must make their way through the south in order to reach Texas and appeal to an old college friend who's friends with the President and can get them out of trouble with the law.

Grade - C-

This one doesn't quite have the charm of the first movie. Although with the first movie I can put my finger on where the movie somewhat looses me (the riding of the cheetah), this one never got a hold of me like the first one did. There are some funny parts but it fails to hit my funny bone enough to make me laugh out loud. It will be strange seeing John Cho play Sulu in the new "Star Trek" movie and take Kal Penn's character in "House, M.D." as serious. NPH doesn't surprise me as he did in the last movie. Although he does get the "ride a weird animal" scene this time. Yet the last time we see his character, it's just - odd and not enjoyable. You can tell this movie was going to be a straight-to-DVD movie (which it was at first) because it makes you feel as if you are watching any of the "American Pie" movies after number 3. This movie is a mix of that along with "All About The Benjamins" in that it seems like an excuse to through in some nice cars, a few hot women, and smoke weed. It's nice to see a look back at H&K when they were in college without having to resort to a "Dumb and Dumberer - When Harry Met Lloyd" deal. This movie is just a bit too boring and fails to excite. Probably the worst part about it is that it tries to make a point towards the end. They should have really warned me that I was suppose to be paying attention for things like that. H&K 2 better be careful or it will fall into bad B movie territory if it's not careful. If I can say one good thing about it, it's this - I can say two good things about it. There is a really funny spoof on President George W. Bush and second there's a really cool poem (cool if you're a math nerd) about the square root of 3.

"I fear that I will always be / A lonely number like root three / A three is all that's good and right, / Why must my three keep out of sight / Beneath a vicious square root sign, / I wish instead I were a nine / For nine could thwart this evil trick, / with just some quick arithmetic / I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321 / Such is my reality, a sad irrationality / When hark! What is this I see, / Another square root of a three / Has quietly come waltzing by, / Together now we multiply / To form a number we prefer, / Rejoicing as an integer / We break free from our mortal bonds / And with a wave of magic wands / Our square root signs become unglued / And love for me has been renewed."

Definitely be in the right mood to watch this, and don't expect this to compare to the fun you might have had with the first one.