Hellboy Animated - Blood And Iron - Review

Hellboy Animated - Blood And Iron

This is the second Hellboy animated movie I have seen. The animation style is the same, the main characters voiced by the same actors are great to have back, and the story seems as promising as "Hellboy Animated - Sword Of Storms". I did like the first animated movie which had a decent storyline, some good writing with classic Hellboy lines, and some knockout action. Will this one hold up to the last one?

There are two stories that combine into the main plot in this movie. The first is shown in flashback form where we watch a young Professor Bruttenholm in 1939 hunt a female vampire who uses the blood of many young women to keep herself looking young and beautiful by bathing in it. The other story takes place in modern day where the BPRD (Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense) are sent to investigate a haunted house. Later we find out someone, or something is trying to bring back the female vampire that Professor Broom destroyed long ago.

Grade - D+

There are many problems I have with this story over the other animated movie. First of all, there is little to no action in the movie. Hellboy just ends up fighting some snakes and an iron tomb towards the end. There is no huge battle of ancient gods like in "Sword Of Storms". Abe is tortured in one scene and is later Willey Coyote healed enough to run to help Liz. Liz doesn't do anything in this one except burn some phantom wolf pack that I have no reason why they where there or what their motives were. Second, to get all the main characters into the haunted house story line boarders on horribly written 1930's sci-fi dialog. The Professor says he "has a feeling" and that Abe, Liz, and Hellboy all must go with him. Third, the body count in this is low with only one human death. Finally, the best character in the movie is the Professor. The movie is called Hellboy, not Professor Broom. Yet, he has some of the better lines whereas Hellboy just says "crap" one too many times. A big pet peeve I have with this movie is the title itself "Blood and Iron". Okay, I get the "blood" part; vampires and all that jazz. However the only thing remotely "iron" is some iron maiden device (used to drain blood from women) gets turned into a fighting monster from an hellish god that wants Hellboy to join her and the rest of Hell's legions and stop fighting for the humans. This storyline has nothing to do with anything else in the movie and is just out of place overall.

While there are a few good things about this movie, nothing stands out like "Sword Of Storms". I'd pass on this one and watch the other one.

The Vampire Conspiracy - Review

The Vampire Conspiracy

When dealing with B movies, especially B horror movies, one must almost always take to heart the old saying of "Don't judge a book by its cover." Except the saying has the opposite intention. It always seems that the most money these types of B movies spend on something in the movie is always the artwork for the cover. This movie sounds from the description and the DVD cover like a decent movie you'd watch if it was on the Sci-Fi Channel. However, once you view the first few scenes you know you've been screwed over and almost lied to.

This plot is a dumbed down version along the lines of the "Saw" series or the "Cube" series. The "Cube" series is a B movie series, and a good one in my opinion, but this movie is worse than "Cube" but is still considered a B movie. I don't want to start calling movies C or D movies were the B movie looses all its meaning. I just wanted to make that clear that you can't judge and compare B movies without context.

Five strangers are abducted and put into a room together. They start out, like any of these types of strangers-abducted-and-put-into-the-same-environment goes, trying to figure out who the others are and why they are there. A 250 year-old vampire shows up and informs them that they are in a maze of his making. If they survive and make their way out of the maze, those left alive will receive the vampire's entire fortune. As they go from room to room they are given clues to help them what path to take. Not only do they have to decipher the seven word clues given to them but they must also fight off and/or escape from the vampire's undead army. Why were these people chosen? Will any of them make it out alive? Do you really care?

Ok so the end of my plot description makes the story sound sort of anti-climatic. In one sense it is. This is the same old story of a "Saw" a "Cube" and the 1999 version of "House On Haunted Hill"...but with vampires! However, on the other hand, this is a very low budget movie compared to any of those other movies. I'm never one to rag on a B movie for lack of picture and/or sound quality. I give each movie a fair shake. Yes, it would be nice if everyone could shoot movies with the same equipment that big, Hollywood pictures shoot with, but I think you'd loose some of the charm of these movies. "Saw 4" might have had a full blown autopsy scene, but you have to laugh at how much money they spent compared to some movies who use just some hamburger meat, red food coloring, and other sorts of fake internal organs and effects. I appreciate the charm of such techniques.

The main problem I had with this movie was more the set itself. This movie appears to have been shot in an old motel that's been converted into an independently run haunted house that pre-teens visit for Halloween with their dates who were all dropped off by their parents. It really is a weird look to a place for a vampire who has such "unimaginable wealth". If I had 250 years worth of interest in the bank, my death chamber would at least be decent looking. You don't have to go with the old gothic, dungeon-esk scene. You can really modernize it or put your own spin to it. However, it's kinda hard to be scared in what looks like an old, rundown motel.

Grade - D-
B Movie Grade - C

This wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen but it definitely did have some big problems with it. This reminded me a bit of movies such as "Saw" and "Cube" a bit. Too bad it didn't push more into those types of story ideas. My biggest problem with the movie is the over use of the f-word. This movie sticks it in between every other word. It's not the only over used curse word in here but it definitely was the word most used. Another problem was that the ending made no sense at all, there is no conclusion and it ends up making the rest of the movie utterly pointless. The thing that bumps this up in the "B Movie Grade" comes from the attempt to tie all the characters in the movie to each other. The people in this movie find out later that while being chased by a horde of the undead, there is someone they are traveling with that, in someway and for some reason, want them dead. It's a nice try for the movie. This movie should really teach you to read the script to your movie after you binged on pot, coke, and beer before you shoot your movie.