Sunday, March 30, 2008
List of sequels, remakes and the like.
Good chick flicks:
Let me paint you a scenario:
You're at home with your best gal and she leans over as whispers ever so sweetly into your ear, let's rent a movie. Now you know she's not going to want to watch explostions and big action movies. She wants some snuggle time with you while watching a movie that will touch her heart. You turn your face away so she doesn't see you roll your eyes and the words that pop into your head are "chick flick". So you drive to the movie rental place and you look longingly towards True Lies but you must look away. She asks what you want to watch...a test! You're onto her scheme. You shrug and say you don't know. After perusing the shelves where all that jumps out at you are movies you know you can't watch she comes over with a movie in hand and gives you an ultimatum. Either you pick something or we're going to watch Glitter. Your heart palpates, the palms become clamy with persperation, your breathing becomes eratic. Maria Carey in skimpy outfits good...movie...bad. What will you pick in order to save yourself from the ego trip of a hot but crazy singer? What will you pick!? Dun dun dunnnnnn!
- City Of Angels - a really good story with a great ending
- Save The Last Dance - get to see some hot people dancing
- Something New - funny and good if you're in an inter-racial relationship
- The Girl In The Cafe - Politics for you, good romance for her
- A Walk To Remember - kind of a typical romance movie but without sex = love
- What Women Want - great romantic comedy
- Bodyguard - Good movie and at the end of the movie turn to your girl and say, I would take a bullet for you.
- Ghost - some freaky ghost scenes for you, a spicy clay molding scene for her
- When Harry Met Sally - a difficult one with Billy Crystal as a love interest, but some good comedy
- Sixteen Candles - the quintessential 80s romance movie. Good comedy in it as well
- The American President - if you liked West Wing, this is the precursor to it, and some good romance
- Groundhog Day - great comedy, good love story
- Amelie - great movie through and through
- An Officer And A Gentleman - good boot camp scenes for you, and good love story...be careful though...your girl might make you start working out
I.Q. - if you're a science geeks this is most excellent
High School Musical - if you can stand musicals this is pretty entertaining
- African Queen - an older movie but a goodie
- Casablanca - older movie, great spy scenes for you and a wonderful love story for both
- Ten Things I Hate About You - not bad, and some good comedy
- Keeping The Faith
- Guess Who
- 100 Girls
Not so much chick flicks, but if you can sneak them in and convince her that it has good romance
- Phenomenon - some good science fiction for you, and some really good romance
- Conspiracy Theory - conspiracy theories for you, convince her by saying it about one man's ability to put everything in jeopardy to save the woman he loves
Anything with John Cusack; except American Sweethearts
- Say Anything
- High Fidelity
- Better Off Dead
Briney also suggested
- The Notebook
We also need help coming up with a topic for next week show. So if you have an idea leave a comment or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Have a good week folks.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
I am a really big fan of science type movies. It's really fun to see a talented writer take on something as charming as Einstein helping a young man win his daughter's heart ("I.Q.") or something as clever as "Pi" was - sheer brilliance.
So I watch a trailer that shows Anthony Hopkins portraying a professor who might have discovered a great scientific breakthrough. After his death, his daughter, Gwyneth Paltrow, with the help of Jake Gyllenhaal find out what it was. This is what the trailer told me. I think most of you regular readers of my movie reviews can tell where this is going. TRAILERS LIE!
Let me tell you what the writers want you to believe this movie is about and then let me tell you what this movie is REALLY about. That's right...you are getting three different plot explanations this time!
So a once brilliant mathematician, played by Hopkins dies a few days before his daughter's, Catherine (Paltrow), birthday. She must cope with the realization of having to cope with the insanity that plagued her father's life in his final years. She must also deal with her sister, Claire (Hope Davis), who is town for her father's funeral. She must also, appease a mathematician, Hal (Gyllenhaal) who is looking for a math proof that her father might have discovered in a rare moment of lucidity. After sleeping with Hal, Catherine gives him her father's notebook with the proof. Hal reads the notebook and finds the development of a unique math theory. Catherine claims she developed it but neither Hal nor Claire believe her and they question whether or not her father's insanity got passed to her.
So ya, this was kind of a step away from what I saw in the trailer. The best (worst?) part of the second plot I wrote above, isn't the real plot. So let me give you my rating and then my analysis of what this movie is REALLY about.
Grade - F
This movie fails in everything. The title itself is misleading and so were the trailers. From what I was shown I was expecting something like Pi or A Beautiful Mind or something dealing with the science in the movie.
What happens when I watch this garbage? 99 minutes of Gwyneth Paltrow crying. You cannot find me one scene after the first 15 minutes where she isn't tearing up, sobbing, or balling...AND SHE DOESN'T STOP TILL THE END!!!
You think we learn anything about what her father was working on? Heck no! Do we just learn that her family is screwed up and you can get paid per tear in a movie? In fact we do. The theme of the plot shifts so many times. Do we want to know if she has her father's illness? Well, ok, now do we care how she will deal with being crazy? Well, ok, do we care what's in the notebook? Ok, well, do we care that Hal uses her to obtain the notebook and must choose between his work and his heart? Ok, well, do we care with who came up with this "brilliant idea" that we, the audience, are not even told about? There are literally four other transition plots that I'm not even going to tell you about because I believe I made my point.
How anyone found this good or even ok is beyond my comprehension. No one in this movie acts well and having Hopkins in the story for all of 5 minutes helps that problem even more. Gyllenhaal can't make up his mind whether to be interested in the work or the girl. By the way, did I mention Paltrow cries? She cries more often than she has lines! After watching her cry her way through the movie, I wanted to cry - cry for making my way through a movie of crying!
I'm a fan of movies where people do something I can't. For example, I can't...say...rip out someone's throat with my shirt off. Just one of the many fine reasons why I like "Road House"! I love being in awe of Kung Fu movies as well. I was fortunate enough to be introduced to this genre of movies with "Enter The Dragon"; arguably one of the best kung fu movies ever made by one of the best kung fu actors/artists ever, Bruce Lee. I should also clarify that when I say "kung fu" I'm using a general term to refer to all movies that deal with people kicking and hitting the crap out of each other.
For a while now I've been a very big fan of Jet Li. I think he is one of the best modern kung fu actors. There are many people who want to have a Jackie Chan Vs. Jet Li fight but that should only be reserved for Kirk Vs. Picard and Superman Vs. The Hulk debates. Each have their own style and each should be judged on their own merits. However, Jet Li has done a lot less comedy and a lot more hardcore roles.
Now with an introduction like that, you'd think I'd pick one of my favorite Jet Li movies, right? Ya, I just picked a movie I saw recently that happens to have Jet Li in it.
So the plot of the story is pretty simple and allows for a lot of Li kicking the crap out of the bad guys. There's a Chinese businessman who kills someone and a rival businessman's daughter witnesses the murder. Because of the girls father's close connection to the Chinese government, they send one of their best cops to protect the girl until trail. Ya, I know, I'm as surprised as you! I too, did not know that China actually held trails. I assumed that since there are over a billion people there that they'd revel in any excuse to take someone out. So the plot is simple and straight forward. That is until the writers decided to take that same ol' story of bodyguard/body-to-guard story line. You know the one. Both start out by hating each other until the danger of the situation makes them confront and rely on each other until the inevitable happens. So they both must struggle to survive and not let their feelings get in the way. I'm sorry, but if some mob elements were out to kill me and I must rely on some good looking chick to protect me, I'm not going to use my masculine wile to throw off her concentration. Of course, maybe attempting to use my masculine wiles would turn her off so much that her complete concentration would be on protecting me. Anyways...I digress.
Grade - C+
Ok tell me if you heard this one: A no-nonsense protector is hired to guard some subject who is a mean person. When the bad guys go for that person, the protector does his job and fights them off. Slowly this changes the heart of the mean person and they fall in love right before they meet the boss. This movie is the kung fu version of Driving Miss Daisy. Jet Li needs to stick to good movies.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Ah the classic tale of two guys who hate each other at the beginning of the movie only to turn out the bestest of friends in the end.
The four main stars in this flick are The Rock (Scorpion King), Seann William Scott (American Pie), the always sexy; Rosario Dawson (Clerks 2), and the guy who picks the weirdest movies to be in; Christopher Walken (Communion - I'm one of 4 people ever to see that movie).
The plot, if it really matters when you throw The Rock into a movie, is that Beck (Mr. The Rock's character) is the big beefy guy who just wants to be a chef. In order to make money to open his own restaurant he does what any big beefy guy would do - track down people for the mob! His boss hires Beck to find his son, Travis, (Scott) who is treasure hunting in the Amazon.
When Beck gets to his destination he finds the town run by a nasty almost-slave driver, Hatcher (Walken). Beck just wants to get the guy he came for and leave, but Hatcher doesn't entirely believe his intentions. Beck meets up with Travis and before he's able to capture him and take him home they find themselves on the run from rebels who are fighting Hatcher as well as Hatcher's men. Travis has found a sacred treasure that the rebels could use to rally the people who "work" for Hatcher and overthrow him. Rosario Dawson gets thrown into the mix later and the best scenes of this movie are of her. I don't know how someone in the Amazon heat can look so good.
So that's enough of the plot, all we care about in this movie is the action produced by The Rock and the comedic relief produced by Scott. The comedy is not all that good. Scott does have a few funny scenes but nothing special. When Rock tries his hand at the comedy it's just awkward. You almost feel like you have to cover your face with your hand and peek out between fingers. There's a few scenes with evil monkeys that are just stupid. Also, someone like Rock wanting to be a chef, is the stereotypical "big beefy guy with a heart of gold" character. It would be like having Arnold Schwarzenegger wanting to stop his life as a commando and learning ballet (kinda like Hulk Hogan in "Mr. Nanny"!). It's been done before...and it will be done again.
The action in this movie is fairly well done. You have some good fight scenes with the Rock of course and you have some great action towards the end of the movie. Scott gets a few good fights in, but it was unbelievable to see him go up against the Rock in the beginning of their time together.
Grade - D+
This is a typical buddy movie. Person A is straight and no-nonsenses with dreams of making it big. Person B is the opposite but with also dreams of making it big. They hate each other at first until they are put into situations where they must rely on each other. They then become friends and fight the bad guy. This movie is basically Dumb and Dumber meets The Odd Couple with fighting. The fighting is this movie's only saving grace. Walken as a bad guy is not very good. And the statue that's in the movie that everyone wants makes no sense to the story. Also this movie provides no background to any of the characters so I wasn't sure why any of this stuff was happening. But hey, The Rock was in it, although not with his trusty board from Walking Tall.
Brad Stine - A Conservative Unleashed
First of all since this will probably be viewed as liberal or conservative if you will like this; I am going to start out saying that I am a conservative. Now...this movie wasn't about stand up comedy but about Brad Stine talking softly and then screaming. Its kind of like Lewis Black except its not that funny. He makes me laugh as often as I would in normal conversation with a regular person. This shouldn't be classified as a comedy or stand-up but a political rant.
I'm sorry, but this wasn't funny and I think Stine should have taken a hint from the crowd when they didn't laugh at a lot of his stuff. Also, they applauded more than they laughed. If you want some conservative comedy thats actually funny rent something about Thor Ramsey or Jeff Allen.
In the end, don't try to tape your political rants and try to pass it off as stand up.
Grade - F
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I always love when a movie touts that it was "nominated" for an award. It's like bragging that you took eighth in the 200 meter dash in the Olympics. When people ask out of how many, you say out of eight.
I actually saw this movie on the recommendation of Briney. He claimed it as being a great movie that was really fun. Since Briney tends to like more mainstream, good movies I figured it was worth seeing.
Tim Burton is the director of the flick. I tend to have a love/hate relationship with Mr. Burton. I like some of his stuff but his man-love for Johnny Depp and putting him in everything along with his reusing of movie ideas and his "eccentric" nuttiness get in the way a lot of times for me.
The movie stars a pretty good cast. Ewan McGregor (Star Wars...was much better in II and III) is the main character for the most part. Billy Crudup (Sleepers) is his sniveling son. The wonderful Albert Finney (Amazing Grace - see this movie) is the older version of the main character who I think is the most lovable character in the movie; especially the bathtub scene.
So the movie is basically about Edward Bloom, Crudup's character's father, who spins big tales of his life. Bloom is dying of cancer and his son, Will, is visiting him for his last time and trying to get the real story of his father's life out of his father. What we're subjected to is seeing parts of Edward's in flashbacks. So by listening to his father's stories, which involve some pretty out there experiences (hence the "Big Fish" title), he's trying to learn about who his father was, is, and his shortcomings.
That's what they tell me at least. What I sat through was random stories that were pieced together and involved some of the same characters. I think Burton tried to get us in the whimsical mood and feeling like grown up children (like Edwards is suppose to be). In respect to myself, I was incredibly board and found no greater moral to the story other than not to be a whiny son if my dad ever tells me outlandish tales. Oh and the ending, makes no sense!
Grade - D
*Yawn* Wha? Huh? Oh, it's over? What was the plot about again? This movie tried to be a movie that ties everything together like M. Night Shamalanadingdong's movies and fails miserably. Most of the movie are short stories that make no sense to the bigger picture. There were no shocks of amazement or gasps of realization. This movie is just boring and tries to be "bigger" than it really is. Also...the ending makes no sense!
So I see the trailer, I see the cool looking monster-type people, and I hear the hype from the Oscars and the critics. They all sound and look pretty cool. Finally, a fantasy movie that doesn't need a prophecy of a farm boy in a middle age-like time and great evil is upon the land. I also hear Guillermo del Toro is a great Italian director.
That's all I really looked into the movie before I rented it and settled in for a nice modern fantasy movie. Ya know, I really should have learned my lesson from the American trailer of "28 Days Later". AMERICAN TRAILERS OF FOREIGN FILMS LIE!
So the story takes place in the fascist led Spain. Ofelia (Ivana Baquero) and her pregnant mother Mercedes (Maribel Verdu') go and live with Mercedes new husband, an evil army captain, Vidal (Sergi Lo'pez). Ofelia is obsessed with fairy tales and she meets a few mythic creatures who tell her she's a princess who must do three trails to prove who she is so she can go and rejoin her father in the heavens. Doug Jones (Silver Surfer) is the only name I know from this film as well; he plays two of the creatures.
That's the part of the movie I only really cared about. However, the other half of the movie is a group of rebel Spaniards trying to take out the army captain and how evil Vidal is. I'm really lost in this movie.
I do have to admit that the visuals are awesome. The fawn and especially the Pale Man are freaky as heck and look so real. But can someone tell me what kind of movie this is? I feel like I'm the rope in a tug-of-war. Is it a war movie or is it a fantasy movie? Is the girl delusional or is this stuff actually happening? Who is the main character; the girl or the captain? Why can't I just have a modern fantasy movie?
Grade - C
Because of the duality that this movie has, I can't really see a plot in it. There is no overall theme, there is no lesson learned, there are no heroes or heroines. The most I got out of this movie was never trust giant fawns you meet in the forest and never get knocked up by an evil Italian army captain.
I know people like this movie. I know it was Oscar nominated and won three of them. I know people have a reason for liking this movie. I just feel that they like it because they have to.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Remember when people, mostly librarians, would say don't judge a book by its cover? Ya, whatever, the cover is what sells the book for most first time authors. If anything, the cover is what grabs people's attention to pick up the book and see what it's all about. So when I see a nuke explosion with a smiley face, I'm going to pick up the movie at least.
So when I pick it up with a smile I read the title and think that the movie is about a post-apocalyptic world where a boy tries to survive and help his dog survive as well. Ya know, a tale of boyhood love in a world of chaos.
Then I watched the movie.
Don Johnson plays Vic who somehow has a psychic link to his god, Blood (voiced by Tim McIntrie). He makes the dog sniff out food and water. However, most of the movie is having Blood sniff out a woman. When Vic finds a girl, she leads him to an underground city where the people there can't reproduce and who are really wacky. So they want Vic to impregnate a few women and then they want to kill him.
Grade - C+
What a freakin weird movie! The movie never explains how the two characters get psychically linked or how Blood can talk. I mean not even Vic saying something like "Geez, I wonder how this happened and how I can hear you talk". This movie reminds me of what Lassie would be like if Timmy was in puberty and a nuke exploded in Maybery. This isn't a horrible movie but I can't really see a decent plot in the hunt for sex. This movie is listed as Sci-Fi but I'd file it next to Spiderman 3 under boring. This is still better than Spiderman 3 though.
This movie involves two people who are involved in movies that are in either hits or misses. One is the director, Ron Howard, and the other is the main actor, Russell Crowe.
For Ron Howard you have movies like "Apollo 13" - good. Then you have movies like "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" - bad. "Backdraft" - good. "The Da Vinci Code" - bad. For Russell Crowe you have movies like "Gladiator" - good. "Master And Commander" - bad! Then you have them combined at times. "Cinderella Man" - bad. So with movies like these under the belts will this be their good one?
When I first saw this movie, I actually saw it first when it came out in 2001, I had no clue who John Nash was. So going into the movie I didn't really know too much about the story other than it looked like a good science movie. This is another movie proof that Hollywood can get more people to see a movie by tweaking the trailers to make it look like a different movie than it really is.
The cast looks good and I really don't know how Ron Howard gets a lot of these people on board his film. I still find it shocking that the kid from "Happy Days" and who stared in "Village Of The Giants" (ha ha check that movie out!) became this big director. Besides Russell Crowe we have Jennifer Connelly (Dark City) who plays the love interest, Ed Harris (Apollo 13) who plays a maybe government agent, and an always swave/creepy/British Paul Bettany (A Knights Tale).
So the story of the movie is that it's based on a true story. A guy named John Nash is concerned only about making a name for himself in the field of mathematics. For some reason he finds to do this, he must enroll in a college then never go to class. Also he must write his theory out on the panes of his glass window. Because of his work, that will eventually get him the Nobel Prize, the government wants him to help decipher Russia code. Let me tell you that this might be a spoiler if you think this movie is how the trailer portrays it.
John Nash is really a schizophrenic and some of the people he "knows" are just products of his illness. It is interest however to see how the line between genius and insanity, as Einstein once said, straddles that thin line. So the movie is one part genius, one part delusion, and one part coping.
After watching the movie and learning that it was based on a real life person I learned that they tweaked a lot in the movie. The real John Nash, who, at the time of this writing, is still teaching from time to time, heard voices instead of actually seeing the people he does in the movie. The movie also doesn't show a lot of his other contributions to the game theory. However, what they do show is splendid if you're as interested in that stuff as I am.
Grade - B+
I still can't really see Russell Crowe as an intellectual. He also appears to have the same tired, gravely voice that he does in every movie he does and you only see the schizophrenic madness portrayed a few times. If Crowe isn't fighting someone or killing someone you rarely see any emotion in his face. The person who takes this movie just about is Bettany and Harris is just a bit too "typical spy persona" for it to work. Jennifer Connelly is always splendid to look at but we get to see her emote more than we do Crowe! The movie is fairly decent if you look at it with a sideway glance that this is based on an actual person. Where the movie falters is in trying to make you keep on guessing who the real people in the movie are. It would also have been better if they would have showed a bit more of Nash's game theories and what it did to various enterprises.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Download the show here - http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391
Cheesy Action movies are action films where it's more about cars blowing up or random fight scenes than advancing a plot. I can guartentee that tonight we'll be listing movies with Arnold Swartz., Slyvester Stolone, Steven Seagul, Chuck Norris, Jean Claude Van Dam and maybe some Charles Bronson. So pretty much any movie from the 80s/early 90s
- True Lies
- Collateral Damage
- Bad Boys 1+2
- Battle Royal
- Transporter 2
- Pretty much any Steve Seagul movie but the best is Fire Down Below
- Point Break
- Demolition Man
- Invasion USA
- Mad Max - Beyond Thunderdome
- Over The Top
- Snakes On A Plane
- Hott Fuzz - Kinda a spoof/omage
I'm a big fan of most of what Spike Lee has done. My favorite work of his is "The 25th Hour" and "Do The Right Thing" was brilliant. So I thought he would have a good twist of the Summer Of Sam serial killer days. You have a diverse and almost segregated New York City in 1977, you have the heat to make people crazy, and, oh ya, a serial killer is on the loose. This was good fodder for a Spike Lee Joint!
He also garnered some talented actors. John Leguizamo (Clown from Spawn), Adriend Brody (The Jacket), and Mira Sorvino (Mimic) to add to what I thought was going to be a serial killer movie with a twist of racial commentary.
Let me tell you, in brief, what the movie is suppose to be about then let me tell you what it's really about.
The year is 1977, one of the hottest summers for the little town New York City. A serial killer is at play and the whole city is on edge with people getting murdered left and right. A group of people in a predominately Italian-American South Bronx are freaking out; suspecting their own and fearing for their lives.
You want to know what this movie is really about?
It's about how many times we can see John Leguizamo have sex and cheat on his wife, how bisexual Adriend Brody's character is, and how stupid 1970's greased up, Italian-American can be while trying to break the record of saying the f-word in a film.
Spike Lee tries to play this movie off as a social commentary rather than what a movie like "Zodiac" did. I understand where I faltered in my thinking then. Spike Lee let Hollywood do up his trailer that made it look like this movie was about a serial killer. He should have just set up cheesy porn music (as opposed to the not cheesy porn music I guess) and watch people have sex.
Grade - F
This movie shouldn't be called "Summer Of Sam" but it should be called something like "Hey let's make a movie that's 2.5 hours long and is about one guy's sex life and how many times we can use the f-word". I don't think that'd fit on the marquee. Seriously, this movie has hardly anything to do with SoS killer. It would be like watching Girl Interrupted to learn how the Vietnam War affected people. I like Spike Lee's movies...yet only when the titles actually go along with what the movie is about.
After the success of "March Of The Penguins" the first animate penguin movie in a deluge of penguin moves was "Happy Feet". I had no interest in seeing this movie. I thought it was just another attempt at Hollywood trying to choke every last dollar for a successful topic and animating it to choke every last dollar from people with kids. Then one day when going to the gym I was listening to an AM talk radio show where the host was talking about how he heard from his daughter that the movie was pure propaganda. Well when anyone calls any movie propaganda I almost always have to see it. I wanted to see with my own eyes if this movie was to indoctrinate our children into thinking something with underhanded tactics of dancing animations.
Right away I have a problem with this movie. It's co-directed. Now would someone please tell me why you need two directors when your film has no real people in it at all? One director is George Miller, who directed all three Mad Max movies (I should have been worried right there...after all this is the man who gave us "Two men enter...one man leave" "Beyond Thunderdome!) and the other is Warren Coleman who is more of an actor than a director. You have a really big bag of actors in this movie too. Robin Williams, Elijah Wood, Brittany Murphy, Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, Hugo Weaving (where again he hates humanity in this movie), and even Fat Joe.
Now it's easy to be harsh on kids movies and the plot and the humor of them. After all they are marketed for kids and might not appeal to the "20-year-old-male-who-still-uses-cartoons-from-his-childhood-
as-an-example-of-good-kids-movies". With that being said, the plot is moronic. The short version is that Mumble (Elijah Wood) has two parents that can sing the best in the clan. The songs are used to attract a mate to reproduce and carry the same routines of the penguins' lives over and over, generation after generation. However Mumble not only looks different than the other penguins, but he can't sing at all. The thing he can do is to quickly move his feet, and somehow he can tap dance on snow covered ice.
His father, the prized singer in the clan, is, of course, disappointed in his son and tells him what he does "just ain't penguin". Mumble has a childhood crush on Gloria (Brittany Murphy), but without a "heartsong" he won't be able to attack her. She, of course, is the best singer in the clan for this generation. So you're going to see the cheerleader and the nerd/geek/different person roles played out there. When Mumble goes against the traditions of his clan, Noah the Elder (Hugo Weaving) casts him out from the clan. Noah and the other elders talk about how his tap dancing ability goes against nature and the "great penguin". Ya, no undertones there. Mumble finds a new group of penguins who are more carefree and teams up his dancing skills with a group of latin-accented penguins. They embrace his tap dancing ability and team up for songs and dances.
Mumble gets captured by some humans and taken to a zoo in America. First, let me tell you of another subplot in this movie. Humans have been overfishing which in turn have made it harder and harder on the penguins to survive. While Mumble is in the zoo he believes if he just talks to the humans they would understand and stop over fishing. He tries talking but all the humans hear are the quackings of a penguin. Oh no! What could Mumble possibly do to attract the attention of the humans to communicate to them that penguins are almost people too?
He does what any of us without a mouth would do in his situation. He uses his gift of tap dance. People all over the world flock (see my bird pun there, eh?!) to see the dancing penguin. Even world leaders want to know what is going on. People think Mumble is just doing something fun but they don't know that him and his people are dying because of these bad humans. Soon, Mumble misses his life of freedom in the cold, Antarctic weather; his family; and his friends and becomes depressed. He's in a zoo after all, and zoos make animals sad. He doesn't dance anymore and the scientists are worried about him. They stick a transmitter on him and let him go free where they found him.
He finds his way back home. His crush is happy to see him but everyone else is very hesitant. Getting a head in the story, the human scientists come and find the flock. The elders think Mumble has brought them here and they will destroy the clan. Mumble tries to convince everyone in the clan if they all dance like him they'll convince the humans that they are living creatures too...or something like that. Noah doesn't want to break tradition and there's a battle. In the end all the penguins, and even Noah, are Riverdancing for the scientists.
That of course convinces the scientists that they are destroying the penguins and they go to the only hope of humanity and the rest of the world...THE UNITED NATIONS! I kid you not! You see heated debate and things getting done within the UN. Humanity decides not to overfish anymore and Mumble attracts Gloria with his tap dancing.
Usually I don't tell you a lot about the movie but this one you have to know what you're going to get. I counted sixteen different examples of what could be considered propaganda.
Grade - F
This movie is pure propaganda. Not only is there environmentalist propaganda but it also promotes evolution and mocks religion (the older ones being the stern religious figures). To makes matters worse, the UN comes in to save the day? This must be fiction now. Back in my day the worse we had was Captain Planet but this is mind altering propaganda for our littlest children. What this movie teaches them is that mankind is bad, zoos are evil, and that embracing the UN as a governmental entity will save us all and make the world a happy place. Other than a few funny moments this movie was horrible. The portrayal of the Hispanic penguins, Mumble's new friends, bordered on racism at times.
Parents and people need to start looking more in depth in what is in our movies. Just because it gets a G rating doesn't mean that it will always be good for our kids.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
When I heard that my favorite scary movie of all time was going to get a beginning story I was excited. The Exorcist scares me to this day. Whenever I watch it, in the dark of course, my heart palpitates faster, my hands get clammy, and I swear I can see my breath. To see the back story to Father Lankester Merrin was exciting.
Then I remembered that there were two sequels made to based-on-a-true-story movie and I remembered how "well" those turned out. So after the excitement died down I started to get scared, and it wasn't a demonic source.
I still had some faith in the movie. The story looked good, the actors were decent, and the director (Renny Harlin) had directed a few other movies I like (Die Hard 2, Deep Blue Sea). So with faith teetering back and forth between hope and hopelessness I started the movie.
The story looked good. It's 1949 and Father Lankester Merrin is no longer a Father or a believer. He's called upon by a collector to investigate a church in eastern Africa that was built and quickly buried. The collector wants Merrin (played by Stellan Skarsgård) to find an artifact he believes was buried in the church. Merrin is an Oxford trained archaeologist so he's interested enough to go and investigate. He's helped by Sarah (Izabella Scorupco) and Father Francis (James D'Arcy). His investigation of the buried church uncovers a really neat story arc if used properly. The spot where the church is built was the exact spot that Satan landed when he was cast from Heaven. I have to admit when Merrin finds this out my skin did shutter a bit and the buried church looks spectacularly creepy.
I want to say here that I don't want to give too much away but that would hint to you that I liked this movie and it's worth keeping some things hidden in order to only wet your appetite. I cannot say that, at least for that reason. I can say that I don't want to say much because jack crap happens! This movie tries ever so hard to freak you out but most of the time it's jump scares (like what happens when a body falls out of a closet) and the story was written to try and keep you guessing. Unfortunately the writers forget to add something interesting to the plot. I will admit that it was neat to have a back story as to how Merrin lost his faith. I won't give it away just in case someone wants to watch this snorefest. Let's just say, Nazis weren't only harassing Indiana Jones.
So besides nothing happening there is one part of the movie that is just a slap in the face to fans of the original. First of all throughout this whole crapfest we're suppose to keep guessing on who is indwelt with a demonic entity who's trying to thwart attempts to find out what's going on. They don't do a good job at it and who it is is pretty predictable if you know how these types of movies work. When you find out who it is you're treated to a complete and quickly drastic change from the person into a transformed looking character that Linda Blair's character looked like in the original. It's hokey, it's stupid, and it's insulting. The reason Regan (Blair) looked like she did in the end of the movie was because of the progression of the possession and what everything was doing to her. In all honesty the character in this movie takes about 6 seconds to transform into that (and that person looks EXACTLY like Regan in the later parts of the original) when Merrin figures it all out. What ads insult to injury is that there is a chase scene between the demon-indwelt person and Father Merrin. It's sad and would be comical if I didn't feel like gnawing out my own eyes. I would rather perform an exorcism than watch this movie.
Grade - F
I don't know about some critics ability to think is but this movie was the suckiest sucked that ever sucked. There was almost no scare ability in the movie and those that were were so predictable you find yourself rolling your eyes. They try and recreate Linda Blair's character/demon the same way and they rely on digital effects which reminds you that this is some cheesy directoratorial attempt to make good on one of the greatest horror movies of all time.
The only cool part of the movie is the ending where Father Merrin is told about a case of possession in America and you see him walking away...bag in hand and the great music trailing behind him. Kinda reminds you of the end of "Red Dragon".
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Monday, March 17, 2008
I am a big fan of Ryan Reynolds. The roles that he takes on, whether in comedies or thrills, are almost always perfect for him. If you're one of the few people who didn't watch National Lampoon's: Van Wilder you really should. The role he takes in this movie is kind of the same character but a bit more serious subject...and also...no Tara Reid trying to act in this movie!
A lot of the synopsizes you'll find online will give you a description that is not at all what the movie is about. So here's a real one. Matt Warner (played by David Paymer) is a teacher trying to live in the shadow of his father (a great cameo by John Astin) who was a favored teacher at the middle school they both taught at. After his father dies, Mr. D (Reynolds) comes to take over his father's old teaching position. Warner wants to prove to his son, his school, and to himself that he can continue the tradition of a Warner being teacher of the year for almost 45 years in a row. However, the younger Mr. D is quickly beloved by the school for treating the students like actual people and making learning fun. Warner goes to many lengths to try and hold onto hope that he, and not Mr. D., will be teacher of the year.
Grade - B-
To try and give you a better picture of what this movie is, imagine Dead Poets Society meet Van Wilder. It's got comedy, it's got a lot of inspirational, heartfelt messages, and it has Ryan Reynolds being so gosh darn charming. I am completely serious when I say that I wish I could be as smooth as Reynold is. I don't know if he has a thing for these inspirational characters who are oh-so-smooth or if he is like that in real life. I do know, however, that he makes it hard for me not to have a little man-crush on him.
As the story progresses you get to see what drives Mr. D. to inspire students the way he does. You also see the quirky ways Warner bumbles his attempts to become teacher of the year. While the way the kids react in the movie isn't all that believable, I can put aside actuality and appreciate the movie's attempt to show a "what it could be like" scenario. The last quarter of the movie is very charming and endearing. It's also interesting to note that while Reynolds carries the charm through the first half of the movie, Paymer's character carries it through the rest of the movie. The ending, has a beautiful touch to it.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
So if I told you that there was a movie with the poster you see to the left, has Nicole Richie in it, and is a direct-to-DVD movie would you believe me that it was not only funny but an intelligent high school movie? Well, in my opinion, this movie is a smart and entertaining movie.
I think the poster is the wrong message to try and get people to see this movie. Just looking at the poster would make you think of a rip off American Pie. However, this movie is about freedom of speech for kids in high school. The high school principal is an authoritarian wench and suspends and expels some students in the high school. A group of students spanning different cliques and social backgrounds come together to fight the principal and to gain their rights back.
There are some really great actors in this movie and there are some great homages to other movies and movie elements that I just loved. Gregory Smith, Stephanie Sherrin, Chris Morris, Caitlin Wachs and Emy Goligado star with the director being Josh Stolberg. Yes that's the same Josh Stolberg who wrote Good Luck Chuck. I know, I'm as surprised as you are he can write a decent movie that doesn't defame females. Let me just quickly ad that even though the poster slates Nicole Richie in the second row and lists her name second, she is barely in the movie. This movie was a Direct-To-DVD, so they needed a cover like the one they have and also her in the top billing (kinda like how Executive Decision listed Steven Seagul as the second star and even put him in the poster but killed him off in the first 15 minutes (how's that for a movie memory!))
The kids in this movie are not at all like the kids in real life. I think that's one of the messages the movie has. This movie was based on actual events of kids being kicked out of school for invoking their freedom of speech rights; in the end credits there's a few interviews from the real people. And a trivia note if you watch the movie, watch till the very end to see the longest movie kiss in movie history (about 6 minutes long).
Now this movie isn't all seriousness and message bound. I found myself laughing at the characters smart humor in the first five minutes of the movie. I had to ask Briney if I had fallen through a dimensional shift. After confirming I wasn't in Dimension X with Krane I started to enjoy this movie more and more. This movie doesn't only have comedy, for you movie message hating people out there, it's got some really, REALLY hot people in it...and no...I'm not counting Nicole Richie. Stephanie Sherrin is uber-hot and she either has a long face or Gregory Smith has a really small face. Emy Coligado plays a hot asian chick, for you jungle fever guys there's Crystal Celestine Grant, and for you blonde, cheerleader, really skinny chick lovers there's Caitlin Wachs. There's even some girl-on-girl kissing for you too...but be careful frat boys...there's some guy-on-guy kissing as well.
Grade - B+
It has a great message, it has great comedy, it has really hot women in it. This is an intelligent high school movie that all teenagers need to watch. This movie not only has an inspiring story but it pays tribute to a lot of great movies of the past. I wish I had seen this movie when I was in high school, I would have been inspired by this movie...maybe a little turned on too...but greatly inspired.
Because of Talkshoe being buggy during the show...the entire show might not have been recorded. However, most of it was. Enjoy what you can.
The following is the list of rules we went by as well a list of movies we talked about:
1) Had to have been a comic book or graphic novel first
2) In order to talk about a movie you must have read at least one of the comics the movie was based on and have seen the movie(s)
3) Has to be a movie released in theaters. Can't be a TV show, or a made for TV movie, or straight-to-DVD movie.
4) Can't talk about upcoming movies
- Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Forever, Batman And Robin, Batman Begins
- Spiderman 1, 2, and 3
- Superman 1-3, 4 The Quest For Peace, Superman Returns
- X-Men, X2, X-Men The Last Stand
- Blade, Blade II, Blade Trinity
- The Hulk
- Ghost Rider
- Fantastic Four, FF Rise of the silver surfer
- The Punisher (1989)
- The Punisher (2004)
- Sin City
- V For Vendetta
- Judge Dredd
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, 2 Secret of The Ooze, 3, didn't see TMNT
- Men In Black
- The Mask
- Tank Girl
- The Rocketeer
- Alien Vs. Predator
Did not see:
- A History Of Violence
- Barb Wire
- Art School Confidential
- 30 Days Of Night
Did Not Read:
- The Crow
- Swamp Thing
- Tales From The Cypt, Bordello Of Blood
- Howard The Duck
- Road To Perdition
- Constantine - based off Hellblazer comics
Here was the closing quote for the night from The Punisher (2004):
"In certain extreme situations, the law is inadequate. In order to shame its inadequacy, it is necessary to act outside the law. To pursue... natural justice. This is not vengeance. Revenge is not a valid motive, it's an emotional response. No. Not vengeance. Punishment."
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Have a good week.
I wanted to post my day yesterday because it is still movie related and you might get a kick out of the antics I observed and partook in.
For those who are regular visitors of my personal blog (http://agentx216.blogspot.com/) you've noticed that I have a pretty decent collection of celebrity autographs. Some I've been given, some I've received through the mail, and others I've gotten in person. Well on Saturday my dad, my brother, and myself went to Chicago to visit the Hollywood Collector Show (http://www.hollywoodcollectorshow.com/Rose.htm). There were a few people there that you might recognize, more if you're an older person. I was there to get one person's autograph.
I was there for the great B Movie director himself, Bert I. Gordon (http://imdb.com/name/nm0330026/). Mr. Gordon has the distinction, I don't know if it's an honor or not, of having the most movies riffed on the cult show Mystery Science Theater 3000. Since I've seen every episode of MST3K, I've seen a lot of Mr. Gordon's work. Also being a fan of great B Movies, especially older B Sci-Fi movies (the days before computers destroyed sci-fi movies and plots didn't have to be so epic), it was a great honor for me to meet him. I'm usually a little star struck with most of the people I meet but my personality lets me talk with these people and ask them questions without getting too flustered.
I made a picture with some of the posters from his movies. It was made up of six movies that I loved from MST3K show (he had 8 total shown on the show) and two that I just liked that I saw not on MST3K. The below is the photo I made with Mr. Gordon's signature.
So he signed the picture and I even got my picture taken with him!
If you go to my personal blog site and find the posting named "Famous People I've Met" you'll see that I've worn that Pi t-shirt to every event...ya, I'm cool like that.
I got to talk to him about his movies and some of the effects he used and how we would write his stories. It was a blast talking to him. I think he was kind of impressed how much I knew about his work with me being so young. Meeting him was a big highlight.
I also saw a few other people whom you might know.
Erik Estrada was there (http://imdb.com/name/nm0261805/)
He was a really nice guy too. I was afraid my image of Ponch would change after seeing him in real life. Not at all. He talked to people, was very friendly, stood for pictures with anyone, and look at that smile. He was a great guy.
I also got a picture of two Lois Lanes. The first is Noel Neil (http://imdb.com/name/nm0624747/) who played the second Lois Lane from the old TV show with George Reeves. The other was Margot Kidder (http://imdb.com/name/nm0452288/) from the Superman movies with Christopher Reeves (no relation).
So Saturday was a really fun day for me and I thought I'd share it with the rest of you.
Don't forget to check out the Film Geeks show, Episode 6, Sunday at 8PM EST or download it/listen to it later in the week. http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/14391. This Sunday our topic is comics that were made into movies. Enjoy, won't you?!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
One of the greatest unsung movies of our time has got to be Boondock Saints. Well ok, stupid college kids found this movie about a week after I watched it and then it became cool. Well at least that's my story. Also it might not be the best movie ever. However asking me to pick my favorite movie is hard, especially when you've seen all the movies I have. I usually have to break my selections down by genre. However this movie has been my favorite for about 5 years now.
What makes this movie so cool you ask? You didn't? Oh well do it anyways. Well because it's my transition. Well I'm going to ask it for you!
1) They are Irish - with accents and all...Irish people are the best!
2) The comedy. - There is so much to laugh at. I don't want to give the best parts away. However I will say this, once you see a cat...pay attention to the cat. Also if you thought WIllem Dafoe is creepy...just imagine him...in drag! Ahhhh!
3) The cinematography is excellent. The way this film is shot is one of the best ways I've seen a movie filmed. I would put this as second on a list of best camera shots (Children Of Men being number 1).
4) The quotes - you will find this movie ladden with more quotes you can use than any Simpsons episode could ever give you. Things like "We're like 7/11. We might not be doing any business...but we're always open". Not to mention the prayer they give right before they make a hit. Poetry never bled this good.
5)Il Duce - watch the movie and be afraid...of Il Duce
6) One of the best speeches in a movie. For those of you who know me. You know one of my favorite movie speeches for a long time has been President Whitmore's speech from Independence Day. You also know that I can recite it on command, in my sleep, while eating peanut butter and crackers. The court room speech in this movie is right on par with that. You feel your heart palpitate, you feel your glands start to excrete, and you suddenly feel giddy.
7) Rocco - one of the funniest side kicks you've ever seen in a movie. You love him, you laugh at him, you feel for him.
8) The cat - watch the movie.
Boondock Saints, if you haven't seen it and love Punisher type movies (not Dolph Lugrand blasphemies but real Punisher movies), then watch this. You won't be disappointed. The fan base for this movie keeps growing and growing.
This movie might also make you want to go back to church again...just to see if God will choose you to be Irish...I mean to be his hit man!
Grade - A+
"In order to find his equal, an Irish man is forced to talk to God."
Friday, March 14, 2008
You too can join in the conversation not only in listening to the show live but also chatting in our chat field and even calling in live. We'll go on as long as we need to for everyone to be heard.
This week our topic is governed by four rules:
1) Had to have been a comic book or graphic novel first
2) In order to talk about a movie you must have read at least one of the comics the movie was based on and have seen the movie(s)
3) Has to be a movie released in theaters. Can't be a TV show, or a made for TV movie, or straight-to-DVD movie.
4) Can't talk about upcoming movies
So how can you join us?
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Wow, Steve Carell in his first movie of "please, take me seriously, sometime". Did it work? Let's find out. Steve plays Dan who's a widower with three girls and he goes to visit his family for a few days. He meets a woman randomly, only to find out serendipitously that she's really his brother's girlfriend. Ooo the plot...well it doesn't really thicken seeing as this is the plot, but...ooo we have a protagonist with an obstacle to overcome before the movie is over!
Make no mistake about it, while Carell isn't doing a role like he does in "The Office" or "The 40 Year Old Virgin" he's still able to pull out of few laughs. Everyone in this movie has some great comedy. So to bring those people into our foray I must give you their names. Dane Cook plays Dan's brother and if you've seen Cook in other roles you see him try to shirk off his role as the hyperactive comedian (he was also in Mr. Brooks in a definite serious role). He really does a decent job here of controlling the sugar in his blood stream and act like a real actor. He's a big surprise here. There is also Dianne Wiest who I know from a few seasons of "Law & Order", she plays Dan's very charismatic and charming mother. She's the type of mom you wish you had in real life because she can lay down the law when she needs to but she always, ALWAYS, says the right thing for any situation. The dad is also the same way, played by John Mahoney (Frasier's dad fame). It's a bit too bad that the family is kinda in the background in this movie because they are really lovable. This movie thrives on having you love all the characters and these two leaders of the household really help you with that. I think the best characters in this film are the three daughter's of Dan. They are played by Brittany Robertson, Alison Pill, and Marlene Lawston. These girls play the quintessential "daughters who grow up close because they have only a father to raise them". They're annoying and lovable all at the same time.
Juliette Binoche is the love interest in the film. She's not super hot or anything that I could really point to. However, I believe that to be purposeful and it's nice to see Hollywood shut up and let a movie role be filled in by a normal person. I could see them forcing Jennifer Aniston in the role. Why people think she's hot, I still have no clue. I personally believe that once you date Vince Vaughn you're hotness level goes to about a 3. But getting back to Binoche, she hasn't been in too much that I've seen. Although looking at her IMDB credits I see she was in an adaptation of Wuthering Heights, and if you listen to Episode 5 of Film Geeks you'll know my feelings on that demonic story. Out of all the characters in the film, I don't think her personality shined through enough. When Dan first meets her character, Marie, the film does a time lapse spacing of the two of them getting to know each other; it's mostly Dan talking about himself. That's fine and all but we as the audience feel for Dan and we kinda want to know why Dan likes her so much. We never really find out why though. We learn more about the feeling's of Dane Cook's character than we do about Marie, that's not a good thing. Marie fits well with the quirky family and she seems to fit in quite well, even after the family is grilling her with weird questions like "What's your perfect day" and others. She has quirky answers for them so we know she fits in well.
Dan seems more of an outside the pack character in this film without being too much on the outside. The film has him choosing between his love for this woman, his love for his family, and his love for his daughters. The movie shows Dan juggling these things believing them to be separate and therefore can't be sacrificed. The picture on the cover does not actually occur in the movie but gives a great sum up of the mood of the film. There are a few places where you can get choked up but it's not a big tear jerker. The comedy is straightforward and while the family portrayed in the movie could not exist in real life, you feel like it does exist, even if it's only in this one spot.
Grade - B
I'm glad I waited to rent this one. It's a good renting film; I couldn't imagine myself buying this to add to my collection or really even watching again by my own free will. If someone I know didn't see it and wanted to, I wouldn't pout about having to watch it again. I think there could have been some better editing. There are some crucial scenes that get cut out for artistic reasons that I wanted to know how they turn out. For example, Dan is an advice columnist and he might get picked up by other papers. The people who want to make this happen sit down for him for a little interview. Dan kinda blows it a bit by telling the truth of what has happened with him trying to steal his brother's girlfriend and then scene ends. However, at the end of the movie you find out he got the job and it's kind of an "ummm...ok...I guess" moment for the audience. I don't feel I got a good enough reason why Dan fell in love with Marie, especially when their first meeting was him doing all the talking. Even if that wasn't him in love right away, there isn't a lot the movie shows you how she is endearing. I would classify this movie as a light comedy with some romance because you'll find yourself smiling at the antics of the family more than you will straight out laughing. Also the story is more about Dan "finding himself" and be "able to love again" rather than it being an romantic comedy. It's a cute movie and it earned it's grade.
This week we talked about books we read first and later watched movies based on those books.
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Friday, March 7, 2008
For those of you who know me you probably know these two things about me. First, I have a passion for conspiracy theories and second - I don't like Mark Wahlberg. So when I saw Shooter looked good I had two sides of the scale with one good and one bad thing on it. So I had to make a choice. What would be the deciding factor to put on either side of the scale. The choice was made and the outcome was to watch it. It had guns...sniper guns.
This movie is about Marky Mark's character gets set up for a shooting of a political figure that he didn't do. He's one man...against the system. Man can I create art for a tagline or what?! Danny Glover stars as his main adversary and there's something strange about Glover in this movie. Listening to him, it sounds like he had dentures that wouldn't stay stuck and it sounded like he was talking over them. I'm not saying that's what it was, but he definitely talked weird in this movie. Really though, that's just a random observation from me to you. If you watch this movie see if you can tell.
So Mark spends the entire movie trying to figure out the who and the why of the plot and he snipes people to get to the top. This movie has some of the best modern day sniping scenes I've seen. There is minimal CGI in this movie but what there is is beautiful. Now I have a love/hate relationship with CGI. I believe CGI to be a tool used to create better works of cinema art. I don't believe it's there to be an excuse to make a picture around it. After all, look at the stuff that comes on the Sci-Fi Channel. At least they have an excuse. You want to see cheesy sci-fi movies on that channel. You don't want to learn that someone paid $250 million to make a movie where no two actors are in the same room. DISCLAIMER: This will be one of a few different short rants in this review. Anyway the explosion CG in this movie is gorgeous.
Now, onto our main *struggles to say it* s-star. The reason why I don't like Mark Wahlberg is the same reason I don't like Nick Cage. Mark acts like himself in his movies, he's only playing people with different names. The thing that makes me more angry is that he is a bankable star. If you kept putting Keanu Reeves in different roles acting the same....ok bad example. Okay, how about if Tom Hanks acted like Forrest Gump in every role he ever did? You'd say to yourself, "Wow, really, Tom? Again?" I mean, even Adam Sandler has changed and moved away from his moron with funny voices and has actually stared in some remarkable roles. Now I don't hate Mark as much as I hate Nick Cade. That's just would be too much hate for me to carry around. So I judge Mark now based on individual roles. I absolutely loved him in Invincible and that's what brought my hate level down in dealing with him. It rose a bit when I found out he'd be staring as Max Payne in the movie. So how was he in this movie? He was pretty good actually. Now, he does try to act hardcore in at least three different times in the movie. He does not pull it off at all. However, he plays his character well and he's not trying to be overly action star-ish in the role. Of course that might have to do with more of the director than the actor, but he needs all the points he can get with him. I do have to give him credit though. He has two great lines in the movie. I believe in catchphrases. I would go to Bond movies if there were no action and it was all bad pun catchphrases. Marky Mark pulls them off swimmingly. He really does. I won't give away what they are because you need context for great catchphrases and I wouldn't be a proper film snob if I just said them all willy nilly. If he had one more I might have had to change my mind on him again. At least until I remembered that he did star in Fast and Furious. Grrrrr!
The storyline is take from a Stephen Hunter novel and while I haven't read the book the screen adaptation was great. You had some great action mixed with a believable and convincing storyline. The plot about how the conspiracy has no head and no political agenda of left vs. right is true. This movie is about inside jobs and I find it funny that in the early start of the movie you see Mark with the 9/11 Commission Report. Hmm inside jobs and whitewashing cover stories? I think we're reading the same things. Watch this movie and take its themes in your mind. Ask yourself, "Are these things possible?" If you aren't too blind you might be scared of the truth and just it out of your mind and go about buying your grande lattes, your Old Navy polo's, and go about researching your lineup for your fantasy football team like it was important. Note: See this and the "Why I don't like Mark Wahlberg" parts were the other rants I warned you about. I think movies like Shooter, The Seige, and elements of The Long Kiss Goodnight are just fictions stories written around actual or possible actual events. If the conspirators inside governmental bodies were smart they'd sue these script writers for copyright infringement.
Grade - A-
Ya, I know. I'm just as surprised as you are. This movie has some really great action but not an abundance as to make it a true "action" film. It has a great storyline that kinda makes it hard to guess what will really happen in the end. It's got some really great sniping scenes for us fans of sniping movies. The big downfalls are Mark Wahlberg in it of course. Danny Glover isn't really that menacing of a bad guy. Lastly, the chick in the film is only there as something Hollywood deems men need to look at. Listen Hollywood, we can understand putting Mark Wahlberg in there for the ladies, but when you start out a movie with some great sniping scenes and break out a 50 caliber you don't need a chick with a horrible southern accent who hardly ever wears a bra in the movie. Give us more sniping scene, which you did, and leave her out of it. Also, you don't always need the stereotypical henchman in the film who is a jerk to his woman captor and who freaks out when the hero comes for her. Globalist elites, if you take notes from movies, hire some competent henchmen who aren't like this. I would suggest going even as far as making your henchmen unicks. You're running a business to control the world through fear and power control, you don't need shotty henchmen when you got the world on a string.
So folks, I suggest you watch this movie. Especially if you've just seen my other reviewed movie "Margot At The Wedding". Yeash! Watching those two movies back to back would make Shooter seem like the Godfather.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Margot At The Wedding
"When acid-tongued writer Margot (Nicole Kidman) arrives to attend estranged sister Pauline's (Jennifer Jason Leigh) wedding, she quickly takes a disliking to Pauline's artist fiancé (Jack Black). Now, Margot's caustic comments threaten to undo the siblings' relationship as well as the upcoming nuptials. Oscar-nominated writer-director Noah Baumbach helms this wry comedy exploring the often infuriating but enduring connections of family."
That's the description of the movie via Netflix. Now let me break this down from you. Nicole Kidman, who always seems like she's out of it in her movies and doesn't really want to be there, has a son who's kinda not normal and she's not really that normal herself. Her sister, who's not really normal, is getting married to a not really normal guy and has a daughter who's not that normal. The two sisters talk about random things and have no transition in their conversation. They'll be talking about their childhood home and Leigh's character will just randomly mention she's pregnant. Kidman's character will talk to her son about being good then will turn right around and tell him her sister called him a moron, even though she really didn't. Margot will tell him not to have sex with the babysitter but if he does to use a condom. However, the son tells Margot, out of nowhere, that he masturbated in the bathroom and she'll get freaked out by that.
There are a few funny parts with most of them coming from Jack Black just being crazy. However, once the credits start to role you suddenly come to the realization that Noah Baumbach just scammed you and he's running off down the street with your wallet. None of the characters are appealing, you won't be able to identify with anyone and therefore won't be on any character's side. This movie makes the main character a person you will hate through the movie, and as a movie watcher, I think that's something you're not suppose to do. The editing in this movie is horrible as well. I'm sure Baumbach would try to pass it off as something that's suppose to happen but I don't buy it. Two characters would be talking to each other and right in the middle of the conversation, and one character's sentence, the scene changes to the family taking a stroll in the woods.
The background of the story, is not expressed, even though the main storyline is talking about it. I don't know, that's just a guess because I felt I was walking into a dinner conversation after being kept out of the room for half an hour. So I'm sitting at the table and everyone in the room knows they kept me out for 30 minutes, and I know they've kept me out of the room for 30 minutes, and only they know the reason why. So when I try to engage in the conversation they just look at me with disdain for not knowing what they're talking about. For example, Margot may or may not being getting a divorce and she may or may not be cheating on someone. Why is that important? Beats me! Baumbach might have been nominated for an Oscar in his time, but I think that shows more proof of how the Academy is out of sync with all reality. He should have really put the pot down and tried thinking of a coherent plot line. Also Nicole Kidman isn't hot Baumbach, so I don't need to see a completely unneeded scene of her pleasuring herself! Oh and what was up with that hick guy bitting the son? No reason for it and nothing happens after that!
Baumbach if I ever meet you in a restaurant I will set your hair on fire and then douse you clam chowder. When you ask me what was that for, I will say the following "I set your hair on fire, puppy stalactite bumblebee phalanx gumdrop." When you look at me with unkowning stupidity I will then say, "See! It doesn't make sense in real life why should you use it in movies!" Then I will take a food tray cover, place it over your head, grab a wooden spoon, and bang the food try cover like they do in cartoon. Then I will do my best Daffy Duck acting crazy impression and walk calmly away. I will then kill myself when I watch your next movie and see that exact scene play out. Probably with someone like (oh goodness my eyes!) Reese Witherspoon playing the part of you and Nicolas Cage playing my part.
Grade - F
Ya know how they say that if you put enough monkeys in the same room with a typewriter they'd eventually write Shakespeare? Maybe Noah Baumbach should hire those monkeys and put down the pot. This movie makes no sense, is edited horribly, and the dialog is atrocious. If I could pay $50 to smack Noah Baumbach with a keyboard it'd be money well spent. If you can find a real story out of this film YOU need to put down the weed. I hate movies they try to be edgy but are really about nothing. I think movies like this are a joke made by filmmakers and try to sell it as an "avant guard" film and people who say "Oh that was brilliant" the filmmakers just laugh and laugh. Hey Noah Baumbach...I hope you gag on your bong and write a story that's worth taking 92 minutes of my life without making me feel like taking my own life.
Now I must go play a game of Sudoku...ya know...something with structure!
So I, Patrick, am going to kick it off with a movie that I watched last night. First I want to explain some background info so you can decided whether or not to take at least my reviews seriously. I don't use X out of 10 film reals, stars, or even thumbs; and if I were you would never find the best movie ever made rated as an 11 or higher...because THE SCALE IS FROM 1 TO 10...sorry...pet peeve. I use the standard grade system, A, B, C, D, and F (no E because E really means an F). I also use + and - after the letter to denote a grade within a grade. So if a movie retains a grade of A+ it means that it was almost perfect in my eyes. A grade of A means that it was almost perfect except for maybe one thing I just couldn't get past. A grade of A- would mean while it was a good movie it just needed to try a little bit harder. Also for me, every movie starts out at a C+, not an A+ like they tell you in school. The movie people had the guts to put out their work for others to watch and judge so they start at a C+. Now if they shouldn't have bothered...they will drop, if they did a good job they will rise, and if it was so-so it might stay the same.
Movies that received a grade of F means it was so bad I found no enjoyment out of it. Now to the difficult part. I love B movies and so most will have two grades. The first being the grade of the movie in general and the second on being a B movie. So for example, Army Of Darkness might be rated as a B- in general, but in my B movie love it's an A+. I will denote when a movie is a B movie and you'll notice two grade. Most of the older sci-fi movies are now considered B movies so you'll probably see a lot of two grades if I do a lot of those.
If you want to see me do a movie review of just about any movie, please, feel free to send us an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org with the name of the movie and which one of us, or both, you'd want to see review it.
Monday, March 3, 2008
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